the next twelve months.

i love making lists.
i love making plans.
probably has something to do with the fact i just love letters & words & uniformity.

i also love holidays.
i love celebrations.
i love the different types of traditions and meanings behind each one.

there's always this stigma about new years resolutions...
why is there such negativity surrounding it...??
the whole reason for them are for a fresh start, for new beginnings, for...hope...really.
and yet, there's always these cliched, pessimistic statements & thoughts correlated.

i say...
WHATEVER.
let the haters hate.
(and yes, that has also turned into a cliched statement.)

i. LOVE. new years resolutions.
i love thinking about all the delicious foods i can make, all the beautiful projects i can create, all the breathtaking places i can go, all the precious souls i can love on.
and even if i don't get them all done, i got SOME done...i did SOMEthing.
what's life without goals & hopes & dreams...
what's life without new creations...??

so...this year, i am going with themes.
BODY.
SOUL.
MIND.
SPIRIT.
*each aspect of my life deserves more attention...and i'm at the age now, where i can recognize when each need it. i have realized that, though i feel like taking care of others & making others happy, is more important than taking care of myself & making myself happy...i don't have as much energy or tolerance to do so; i have come to find that count rugen's sentiment (below) reigns true...and that by helping myself, i can help others more.

BODY.

drink water.

consume a glass each morning when i rise, a glass (if not more) at each meal, and a glass before each movie/tv episode i indulge in.

*meme cred: the princess bride.

SOUL.

be still.

find oneness with the present moment. practice mindfulness. reflect on the Lord.

look around you."the sky above proclaims his handiwork."

MIND.

read literature.

read (at least) one book a month. reflect on what i've read. write about what i've read, including the thoughts that have emerged because of it.

*taken from anne lamott's "Help, Thanks, Wow".

SPIRIT.

create.

photograph. write. craft. design.

*photo cred: lauren ashley kilber.

BODY/SOUL/MIND/SPIRIT.

manage stress.

exhibit greater self-control. schedule. budget. organize. set goals & plans (like this post!!). follow through.

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check out my guest blog post today, over on Mission Church's website!!

the primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation...
but your thoughts about it.
- eckhart tolle.

day FORTY.

during this lent season,
i have...

- been heavily involved in the process of a church plant--and it's official kickoff.
- been accepted for an international work & witness trip.
- attempted to bless others as often as i had a mind to.
- recognized that in order to make things happen, you have to set goals...and to reach those goals, you have to set smaller goals at a scheduled pace. (my 40-days of reading goal was not met, unfortunately enough...but i'm still reading, and that was the point of it all anyway.)
- realized how much words of affirmation is one of my gifts. (by way of receiving words of affirmation about my words of affirmation.)
- been sooo thankful for His undeniable, unfathomable, and significant healing throughout my entire life...this past year, definitely included.
- continued to feel an overwhelming sense of support from family, friends, acquaintances, and the like.
- spent quality time seeking God through good music.
(this girl definitely added to that.)
- gained knowledge and perspective through fasting.
- prayed & prayed & prayed & prayed...and strived to seek God, fully--to just dwell in His presence.
- felt truly blessed by all the ways the Lord shows Himself to me, and all the gifts and blessings He has provided me with. (and i am thankful for the coming of age that has helped me realize different reasons and ways in which i can use and incorporate them throughout even my day-to-day life.)
- worshipped the Lord through it all.

it was a good 40 days, yall.
(and although i am disappointed i did not fully "complete" my goals...my relationship with the Lord has significantly grown, which was my ultimate goal regardless.) (and i am continuing on to still meet those goals.)

oh, how i love Him, but...
"oh...how He loves us."
(DO check out that song, performed here by lacey sturm&flyleaf.)

1 Corinthians 15; check it. comeon--why not, it IS Easter.

days 31-37.

yesterday was my mom's 52nd birthday.

thank you for the many countless things you have taught me.
because of your genes, because of your teachings, and because of your influence & example, i am who i am.

i am blessed that our home has always been filled with home-cooked meals, prayer, affection, laughter, music, and love.

i have been and am so thankful for your listening ears, your loving care, your great glove, your side-arm throw, your kitchen abilities, your open willingness to try new things, your spunky demeanor, your unmatched concern, your immeasurable faith, your unconditional commitment, and your endless support.

through every obstacle, every dim season in time...you always stood by my side, no matter what.

thank you for being my momma, mommy, mom, mother, playmate, teacher, coach, confidant, and friend.
you make me feel grateful, encouraged, comforted, reassured, blessed, and loved. i'm so glad God let me be your daughter. :)
(lots of lists...with lots of descriptors...with lots of meaning.)

i love you, momma. more than you could ever know.

"'many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.'
charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."
- proverbs 31:29-31.

"but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."
- joshua 24:15, NKJ.

day 25 & 26.

GET PUMPED, YALL.

official kickoff event info HERE.

day 24.

today.
was.
beautiful.
oh my word.
80 degrees, yall.
there's just something about spring that livens me up.
it puts a spark back into my daily-life, a hop in my step, and a smile on my face.
it makes me want to do and be and live.
it inspires & motivates me.
it gives me the rejuvenation i so desperately need after wintertime.

(it also makes me extremely nostalgic, but we won't get into that...cause really--what else is new.)

"everything that's new has bravely surfaced,
teaching us to breath.
what was frozen through is newly purposed,
turning all things green.
so it is with You, and how You make me new...
with every season's change.
and so it will be, as You are recreating me...
summer, autumn, winter, spring."
- nichole nordeman, every season.

this song is powerful. and perfect.

(night, yall.)

days 22 & 23.

yesterday was my dad's 52nd birthday.

he has helped secure my foundation in the Lord.
he has helped teach me how to walk, how to ride a bike, how to drive.
he has helped coach my ball teams, and encourage me through every adventure & obstacle.
he has helped keep me laughing when things looked dim.
he has helped me to know that real faith, love, and hard work are the keys to success.
he has helped me to see what true love looks like.
he has helped me figure out how i want my future husband to treat me. (and the ones i love.)
he has helped me get a sense of the over-abundance in which my Heavenly Father loves me.

there is no doubt, i would not even be close to the person i am today without all his help along the way.
thank you, dad.
-for everything.
i love you more than words could say.

"as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him."
- psalm 103:13, NLV.

"the righteous who walks in integrity, blessed are his children after him."
- proverbs 20:7, ESV.

"as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."
- joshua 24:15, NKJ.

you taught me how to walk and how to dream.

God gave me your eyes, but it was you who showed me how to see.

now i can stand on my own, but i know you'll never let go.

i'll always be your baby, no matter how the years fly by...

the way you loved me made me who i am in this world.

i'm a woman now, not a little girl.

wherever this life takes me, i'll always be your baby.

- natalie grant.

day 21.

this song is my life right now.
i've come to learn that pretty much everything about me is a contradiction...besides my belief in the Lord.
but even my prayers--i will be asking the Lord for something that i am desperate about, and then end with telling Him that i know if my prayer isn't answered, it's because He has something better in mind.
(which does seem contradictory to me.)

over time, my prayers have become less about what i want/need/think should happen...but to trusting God that what He wants from me--and others is what is best anyway.
it is the result of life experiences...
learning that life is unfair.
life is hard.
life is painful.
but God is still good and faithful through it all.

that doesn't mean i don't cry out to God.
believe me, i do.
but there's a different sort of faith and trust involved now.
because i have been through some crap...that i couldn't understand why i was at the time (and for quite some time after), but with continuously seeking God...i had epiphanies and realizations. and that "crap" has consequently formed me into who i am today.
-and i am thankful to have moved past it all and significantly grown. because those experiences have shown me how undeniably God pulls through.

the gist of this song is sending a prayer up, and then concluding with the thought...
"but maybe not, not today...
maybe You'll provide in other ways,
and if that's the case...
we'll give thanks to You, with gratitude."

- nichole nordeman...from her woven & spun album.

lyrics: here.

days 13-20.

life just got crazy, folks.
this past week was a total blur.

from plannin & puttin on my best friend-becky's bridal shower.
to goin to my cousin-shay's high school musical.
to getting ready for mission church's official launch next sunday!!
to tryin to make it in time to hear my cousin-quincy's AMAZING mash-up her and her friend arranged and performed.
to attempting to keep up with my schoolwork.
to getting contacted about the philippines trip...

as you all know, i have been praying about this trip for over a year now...that the Lord would really place it on my heart, if i was supposed to go...that the Lord would not allow me to get accepted, if i wasn't supposed to go...that the Lord would provide for me to get me there.
i have contacted all members of my family (and a few close friends) to inform them as to what's going on, and to invite them to pray along with me.

last monday, i received a card from a sweet girl i went to high school with...
we were basically friendly acquaintances in high school, who were both involved in FCA so were aware of the other's belief in God.
we ran into each other last summer after haven't seeing one another for five years, taking each other's prayer requests, and then went our separate ways.
in january, she e-mailed me checking in on my prayer request. which was so amazing & powerful in itself...to know she had been praying that whole time. (and i got quite emotional over it.)
since then, we had continued to keep in touch.
when i mentioned this philippines opportunity to her, she wanted to know more...so i sent her the letter i had sent my family.

and then last monday, her card was encouraging me about this trip--how she had been praying for me, how God was going to use me. and she enclosed a check.
i just thought that was amazing.
she has totally been like Jesus to me these past few months.

steffi-

thank you so much. this all has meant way more than you know; i totally see Jesus in you.

i only hope one day i can bless you as you have blessed me.

when i checked my e-mail tuesday, i had received an e-mail on monday informing me that i had been ACCEPTED for the three-week trip!! (concluding with one of my favorite verses, Ephesians 3:20-21, to really encourage me.)

as i called mom & dad...and texted the rest of my family and friends, everyone was so excited for me.
when i called my grandparents, my grampa told me that he had woke up on monday thinking of & praying for me and this trip...sensing i would get word any day now. (and i did that very day. so crazy.)

i love seeing God in every-day scenes and events...and feeling His presence so overwhelmingly is more than i could ask for.
i have been exceedingly blessed by all the amazing people He has placed in my life.

ode to jeep.

(...okay, so it's more of a love letter...than an ode.)

my papa was a great man.
(cue my tears.)
he was a businessman, he was a salesman, he was a greatman.
everybody loved him.
everybody.
which made him good at what he did.
and growing up during the depression made him frugal.
he hardly spent money on himself.
but he would spend money on his grandkids.
(because he had that money to do so, being so frugal.)
always offering to buy us snacks from the concession stand every week at one of our ball games, always filling our Easter eggs with big bills, randomly handing us $20 at departures...
he was very generous.

as we grew older, he offered to pay a large portion of each grandkids' first vehicle.

i had my heart set on a white jeep wrangler; papa was concerned that it would tip too easily, being my first ride. (which in hindsight...it very-well could've.)
we compromised on a white jeep laredo.

i was ecstatic.
i really loved that thing.
(i loved it too well.)
i named her laverne. (it's not a long story, just more of an obvious one.)

my papa passed away two years after...
i was so thankful to have gotten to go through the process with him, watching him haggle with the car salesman...that guy didn't know what he had gotten himself into. iii didn't know what i had gotten myself into; i was a nervous wreck each time papa told the guy we couldn't spend that much. (not realizing it was all for the cause all along.)

i had the jeep so long, it became part of my identity.
when there was talk of needing a more reliable vehicle years later, people insisted i still get a jeep...that i was a "jeep girl," and they couldn't see me driving anything else.
when i got to the point of looking, i could never get to the point of selling.
once i started pouring more and more money into it, and when the mechanics and technicalities of the jeep got to be too much to handle, the emotions would set in...i couldn't get rid of the jeep my papa had bought for me. it was such a constant reminder...one that i was grateful for.

one fateful day, i was on my way to church when she finally waned-out on me. the jeep just began shaking uncontrollably on the highway, scaring me half to death. (turned out, all the gears in the differential had come undone and were all rumblin together in there.)
fixing it was going to cost more than selling it after it was fixed would get me.
i had to sell her for her parts.
by the time she finally sold, i was practically to the point of being glad because it was all so exhausting.
until the day of...it really was a sad day, a sad goodbye.
i felt stupid for crying...like it was such a cliche to cry when you get rid of your first vehicle, but i knew the jeep meant and stood for so much more to me than that.

i was only going to get $550 for her at most after calling countless yards, until a guy called the day i was supposed to sell it and offered $1,100. i was so relieved...a significant-enough amount of money that i could put into my next vehicle--so papa would still be helping me out.

thanks, papa. i love you-and miss you every day.

october 1, 2006--december 7, 2012.

i live. i ride. i am. jeep. ;)

through the eyes of a child...

let's put a little joy back in everybody's life 

after this election-fiasco.

(source.)

this video makes me cry-laugh.
(i stole this from my friend amanda. who is also hilarious.)

MOVIE REVIEW: eat, pray, love.

i am a relator.
in every situation-on every level, i try my best to relate.
when people are excited, i get excited. not because i am actually excited myself...but because i am emoting and am excited for them.
when people are sad and crying, i tend to get sad and cry right along with them. because i try and put myself in their shoes. i try and imagine how i would feel if that had happened to me.
etcetera.

because of this, i enjoy movies probably more than the next girl.
however, not very often do i feel many movies necessarily inspire me.
my regular review segment will only consist of the movies (and books) that do so.

EAT, PRAY, LOVE.
(adapted from the book by elizabeth gilbert.)

reasons to love this movie::
-inspirational and motivational. when the main character doesn't like something, she changes it. she wants to do something, she does it. she wants to go somewhere, she goes. she realizes the only thing to hold her back is herself.
-beautiful. between italy, india, and indonesia...the sights she sees, the history, the natural allure. it's breathtaking. (did i mention i have severe wanderlust...??)
-empowering. the story makes you feel like OF COURSE, you can pick up and leave on a one-year international trip by yourself. she's alone...?? doesn't matter. she's a woman...?? doesn't matter. she's emotionally and psychologically unfit (and potentially borderline unstable)...?? all the MORE reason to go.
-selfless. the journey teaches her to appreciate. to be thankful, and accepting, and loving. in each country, she exudes selflessness through an act of altruistic giving.
-simplicity. besides the fact one needs money to travel and eat, she completely immerses herself into the cultures, leaving america's materialism behind.
-spiritual. it is so rare these days to find any remotely-big blockbuster movie that is spiritual on any level...let alone encouraging it. this alone, makes me love this story...and obviously relate on a deeper level.
-philosophical. make me think!! i adore philosophical beings, and i am drawn to those with extensive vocabularies. "liz" being an international journalist resulted in both.
-informatively useful. the story teaches you not to go looking for love...that when you are searching to try and better yourself, the truest, most-deserving love will eventually come to you.
-attention grabbing. the title alone consists of my three favorite hobbies...eating, praying, and loving.
(-and of course, every clothing item she wears throughout, i want.)

favorite quotes::
"we all want things to stay the same...
settle for living in misery because we're afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins.
then i look around at this place, at the chaos that's endured...the way it's been adapted, burned, pillaged, and then found a way to build itself back up again.
and i was reassured.
maybe my life hasn't been so chaotic.
it's the world that is, and the only real trap is getting attached to any of it...
ruin is a gift.
ruin is the road to transformation.
we must always be prepared for endless waves of transformation."

"the holy truth of the holy venture here in India is in one line:
God dwells within you, as you.
God's not interested in watching the performance of how a spiritual person looks and behaves.
...God dwells within me, as me."

"the rules of the quest of physics goes something like this:
if you're brave enough to leave behind everything and comforting,
and set out on a truth-seeking journey...either externally or internally...
and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue...
and you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher...
and if you are prepared-most of all-to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself...
than the truth will not be withheld from you."

be content with all the "seasons" of life...

tonight, at mission church's prayer meeting...there was a statement that touched on being content with all the different seasons of life.
i'm not good at this.
i tend to look toward the "next best thing", which i think is a reoccurring theme in today's society. (so it's no wonder.)

but when bad things happen, no matter how bad...it always makes you thankful for the good times. always.

"new beginnings are often disguised as painful endings."
- lao tzu.

"all great changes are preceded by chaos."
- deepak chopra.

i wonder as i wander...

as a continuation of yesterday's post, i will leave yall with this gypsy proverb::
we are all wanderers on this earth.
our hearts are full of wonder, and our souls are deep with dreams.

my dreams, unconventional as they seem...

i've never felt compelled to follow the crowd.

i listen. and analyze. and like to figure stuff out for myself.

this has been the result to a plethora of interesting and sometimes unwanted interpretations by my acquaintances.

i have been called a free spirit. i have been called a rebel. i have been called a noncomformist. i have been called reckless. i have been called a hippie. i have been called unconventional.

all, from a certain perspective, could be viewed as positive and/or negative...depending on your desired persona.

i have grown accustomed to the realization that people will think whatever they want to think.

you can live your entire life a specific way...striving to not only seem but completely and truly be a certain way. and people can somehow get the impression that you are the complete opposite.
(this is a different entry for a different day.)

maybe you think i'm bitter...

but it's just facts based off 23 years of my over-analyzed life experience.

at the current stage of life i'm in...this is all very relevant.

only this time, it is not necessarily by choice.

most of my surrounding peers are progressively transitioning into their adult lives in their adult jobs with their adult relationships.

due to a series of unfortunate events, my life is not following that same time frame.

i have no doubt that God has a plan that is greater than anything i can imagine because i know that those events are were only temporarily seemingly unfortunate. (another different entry for a different day.)

i say all this to say, i shot three different photo sessions this past week.

-and, now more than ever, i am completely sure that i want to be doing this the rest of my life.

i have such a passion for photography.

i love being able to capture stories on film (and/or memory cards), and knowing that these precious people will cherish those images and pass them on to their children's children's children.

it makes me feel like i'm playing a part in preserving history. (cheesy, but true.)

i love meeting and further building relationships with people.

and i love spending my time outside, surrounded by God's creations. (sidenote: autumn is such a magical time in the midwest.)

if i can somehow incorporate serving the Lord along the way, i will have it made. i could not ask for more than that.

so.

i will sit back...and see where this unconventional dream of a journey takes me.
and choose to enjoy the ride.