Dear Momma:

MOMMA

you've instilled in me:
a thirst for creativity
a spirit of imagination
a yearning to be outside
a responsibility to work hard
a talent for finding the positive and alternative in every situation
an affection for nostalgia
a (seemingly) contradictory taste in classic rock and gospel
a joy in trying new things and going new places
a passion for competition
a freedom to be silly
an eagerness to learn
a priority in loyalty
an emphasis in honesty
an attention to details
a love for entertaining
an importance in serving others
a requirement for homemade meals
a necessity to communicate
an innate ability to be myself
a strength to be confident
a devotion to family
a foundation to faith
an intensity to love with my whole heart
a life of goodness.

i hope today is perfect for you.
i'm thankful we can spend it together.

Happy Mother's Day.

EARTH DAY!!

leave it to a holiday to inspire me to write...
i love holidays.
i love having a reason to celebrate.
i love focusing on something specific and dressing, eating, drinking, celebrating accordingly.
very event-oriented, i am...

that being said, i love earth day.
i love the earth, i love the outdoors, i love the fresh air, i love trees, i love flowers, i love fruits & vegetables, i love gardens, i love picnics, i love mountains, i love fields, i love rain...i love it.

(but at the price of feeling so strongly about holidays (earth day, included), i feel guilty the days surrounding i do not focus on the aspects once so-celebrated.)
THIS earth day, i was stuck inside working, sad i could not visit the farmer's market and eat my finds on a checked-blanket at the park--yet remained inspired with the magic of the day, as my brain whirled with the thoughts for this post...and the fact that, yes, every day can be earth day. here are a few of my specific year-round loves + new tips i am striving to adopt.

IN REGARDS TO FOOD...
- go to the farmer's market!! (or if you live in kansas like me, drive down the road to a local selling their produce off the side of the road.) :)

FM with mom, perfect peaches, FM with the boys & dad, mouth-watering tomatoes, farmer cole, mom getting some goods at the FM.

- eat local, organic, and in-season.

shelling purple hulls with mom, weston apple orchard, osceola cheese, bulk it with nicholas, heirloom, and the peach truck!

- buy whole foods, and make your own meal. (no product placement here, the actual adjective.)

homemade apple chips, radish tea sandwiches, blackberry cobbler, fresh-pressed orange juice, my new favorite recipe, oatmeal & fruit, homemade tomato soup.

- use reusable tote bags when...toting.

IN REGARDS TO WATER...
- filter/purify your own!!
- use cold water to wash your food/clothes/self, as much as you can.
- take showers, not baths.

IN REGARDS TO HOME...
- plant a garden!! (and make your own compost.)

baby coley & me with my first garden.

- turn off heat/AC during the nice months.
- take advantage of that daylight!!
- unplug and turn off electric appliances when not in use.
- use natural cleaners on your homes/selves. (whether it's making your own like this, this, or this...or using eco-friendly/toxin-free brands like this, this, this, or this!)
- give back, and plant a tree!! (not possible? try filling your home with air-purifying plants.)

IN REGARDS TO TRANSPORTATION...
- carpool as often as you can.
- avoid traffic, slow down, and keep those tires inflated.
- and when possible, ride your bike!!

dad teaching me to ride a bike...whilst actually riding my bike.

IN REGARDS TO CLOTHING...
- make your own!!
- buy from local and/or small business.

this beauty--that is sadly, no longer.

- if neither of those are options, buy used as much as possible. (thrift stores, antique malls, yard/garage/estate sales, flea markets, etc.)

is there anything better than antiquing/thrifting with the ones you love?

IN REGARDS TO FUN... (you mean, besides what i've already addressed...??)
- read a book.
- have a picnic.

a perfect day at shawnee mission park.

- go to the lake and kayak, fish, swim.

kayaking with the fam.

- go to the park.

"vintage" deanna rose park.

- go on a hike.

yellowstone, smokies, and rockies.

- play some yardgames!

croquet your heart out, quinny.

*anything you love doing, if possible, try doing it outside...catch some fresh oxygen and vitamin d, while developing an appreciation and wonder in mother earth.

learn about some KC local beekeepers here,  here, and here.

AND OF COURSE, reduce--reuse--recycle.

the next twelve months.

i love making lists.
i love making plans.
probably has something to do with the fact i just love letters & words & uniformity.

i also love holidays.
i love celebrations.
i love the different types of traditions and meanings behind each one.

there's always this stigma about new years resolutions...
why is there such negativity surrounding it...??
the whole reason for them are for a fresh start, for new beginnings, for...hope...really.
and yet, there's always these cliched, pessimistic statements & thoughts correlated.

i say...
WHATEVER.
let the haters hate.
(and yes, that has also turned into a cliched statement.)

i. LOVE. new years resolutions.
i love thinking about all the delicious foods i can make, all the beautiful projects i can create, all the breathtaking places i can go, all the precious souls i can love on.
and even if i don't get them all done, i got SOME done...i did SOMEthing.
what's life without goals & hopes & dreams...
what's life without new creations...??

so...this year, i am going with themes.
BODY.
SOUL.
MIND.
SPIRIT.
*each aspect of my life deserves more attention...and i'm at the age now, where i can recognize when each need it. i have realized that, though i feel like taking care of others & making others happy, is more important than taking care of myself & making myself happy...i don't have as much energy or tolerance to do so; i have come to find that count rugen's sentiment (below) reigns true...and that by helping myself, i can help others more.

BODY.

drink water.

consume a glass each morning when i rise, a glass (if not more) at each meal, and a glass before each movie/tv episode i indulge in.

*meme cred: the princess bride.

SOUL.

be still.

find oneness with the present moment. practice mindfulness. reflect on the Lord.

look around you."the sky above proclaims his handiwork."

MIND.

read literature.

read (at least) one book a month. reflect on what i've read. write about what i've read, including the thoughts that have emerged because of it.

*taken from anne lamott's "Help, Thanks, Wow".

SPIRIT.

create.

photograph. write. craft. design.

*photo cred: lauren ashley kilber.

BODY/SOUL/MIND/SPIRIT.

manage stress.

exhibit greater self-control. schedule. budget. organize. set goals & plans (like this post!!). follow through.

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as i sit here. waiting...

as i sit here. waiting.
with only quincy & haiti on my mind.
i am forced to reflect on this year.
during which, i have done anything but.

i tend to repress, perpetually.
but with this year being that much more intensified...the repression having infinite layers...

the past 363 days have been full.
full of unbearable sorrow.
full of distractions.
full of new beginnings.
full of learning.
full of changes.
full of bitterness, contrasting with thankfulness.
my most life-altering year to date.

the learned act of repressing gets me through daily life.
it allows me to carry on, "normally".
now--in this moment--being forced to reflect, i come face to face with this pain i've harbored so deep inside.
forced to feel this sorrow. this grief. this immense love.
forced to feel my heart being ripped from my chest once again.

i am a person who likes to pin-point my feelings.
i like to know the why in everything.
i basically need to know the why to be content.
if i do not receive a logical, educated explanation...i will over-analyze the situation until i find it myself.
this year has, on top of everything resulting from the 1st, been incredibly frustrating.
a rollercoaster.
a pinball machine.
a constant, contradicting battle between my own, personal feelings.
a constant, contradicting battle within my own mind.

ultimately, i have been bitter.
inescapably.

but, i have not allowed for time of reflection.
i have hardly journaled. which is very unlike me. i am the advocate of journaling.
albeit, i've simply had no down-time.
which has been good and bad. (what do you know...a contradiction.)
however, there has not even been a yearning in me to reflect, to journal, to acknowledge the circumstances.
fore with these acts, comes acceptance.
and i still cannot accept the truth that is this reality.
...it seems i've been waiting for haiti.
waiting to experience this place quincy fell in love with, these people she fell in love with, this experience that changed the course of her entire life.
and i'm ready to experience some sort of healing, that i've been expecting this trip to naturally evoke.
there will definitely be bitterness. but i'm also expecting much sweetness.
i am going, seeking after quincy and her heart for the country, its people, and the Lord. i feel i am searching for something i do not yet know. praying to find an answer--if even just one.
2015, you've been quite the year.
2016, please be better.
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quinc, i miss you beyond comprehension.
but you should be so proud of your people.
your legacy is significant.
your passions have now been instilled in countless others.
your words you wrote have been constant encouragement and comfort that have carried us through.
i will forever be proud of you. when first you went to haiti, i wrote you this message:

     quincy lynn!!
     -you are going to HAITI today!!
     so crazy.
     i am SO proud of you...
     -for following this opportunity that God has placed in your path.
     -for knowing it was what you were supposed to do--and not even giving it a second thought.
     -for being brave. cause serving in haiti is definitely not for the average, every-day, lukewarm, life-livers.
     -and for many, many more reasons.
     i will miss you while you're gone. (for my sake, i'm glad it's just ten days)--and can't WAIT to hear about and see all the photos from your excursion.
     i-LOOOOOOOOOOVE-youuuuuuuuuu, boo-boo-boo-boooooooooo.

if i've taken anything away from this year, it has been a lesson you have taught me upon reflecting on your life and your very being: 
make. it. happen. (cap'n.)
you are the queen of make it happen. (and also, coincidentally, love cap'n crunch.)
i chose to embrace that mantra best i could this year--and i'm expecting it to stay with me forever.
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i found this today and thought it encompassed us so well.

(not hard to do with the four boys. or lauren. or at our parents' expense. or playing scrabble with gramma. or being borderline out-of-control at jack stack. or dancing like fools whenever, wherever. or quoting movies to no end. or during sleepovers till the sun is coming up. or cousin Christmas cookie night with aunt nan. or the ridiculousness that is quelf.)

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your dad has spoken (and written) many great words this year. many heart-wrenching, tearful, powerfully overwhelming, yet beautiful, words. 
these are a few that have stayed with me:

"love is the greatest force in the world.
it's the only thing that lasts.
lead with love.
if you're not moving towards love, 
you're not moving towards Jesus.
if you're not moving towards Jesus, 
you're not moving towards love.
if you're not moving towards love, what are you doing."

"love is a story. it's a story of presence.
by our presence, so we love."

"with Jesus, now there's music, and art, and beauty, and salvation in this world that we didn't even know existed.
live presently in the future we know exists."

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Broken Heart. Future Hope. LQVE.org.

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the thing about grief is...

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i have delayed posting this publicly--for a plethora of reasons. the main one being i don't want those who know me to over-analyze and question my motives. (is this to prove she's still hurting?? is this to prove how close they were because she is still hurting?? is this just a needed outlet?? is this to help us better understand how she's handling it and how we should approach her??) ultimately...it is to help folks better understand the complexity of grief. and to help those experiencing grief realize they are not alone.
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the thing about grief is...

sometimes you cry. 

sometimes you are gasping to even breathe.

sometimes you cannot repress that knot in your throat, that hole in your heart, that pit in your stomach.

sometimes you are on the verge of throwing up all day.

sometimes you can’t even stand being in your own skin.
sometimes (most of the time) it is all-consuming.

sometimes you don’t want to talk.

sometimes you don’t want to be talked to.

sometimes you need to talk to process.

sometimes you want everyone else who’s processing to shut up.
sometimes you dread it getting brought up.
sometimes you think they're rude for not acknowledging it.
sometimes you wonder if they just actually forgot.

sometimes you feel completely alone like no one understands.

sometimes you wish you were completely alone because no one understands.
sometimes (most of the time) you don't feel like having fun and "hanging out".
sometimes you feel like you're being fake because you "have" to be happy.

sometimes you ache seeing people constantly post about her.
sometimes you dread when the posts will stop.
sometimes you want someone to say something that helps.
sometimes you know nothing will help.
sometimes you read "it gets easier with time".
sometimes you realize the more time passes, the further away she feels.

sometimes you wail.
sometimes you scream.

sometimes you throw things.

sometimes you are too weak to stand.

sometimes you want to die.

sometimes you feel like you are dying.

sometimes you need to get lost in the nostalgia of reliving memories through photos & videos and all things-quinc.

sometimes you have to dwell in the sadness.

sometimes you get addicted to that sadness.

sometimes you are afraid you’ll forget things.

sometimes you have to be distracted and “forget” for a moment in order to carry on with "normal" life.

sometimes you feel guilty for carrying on with “normal" life.
sometimes you think people think you're "over it" because you're required to carry on with "normal" life.
sometimes you sense people want you to actually be over it.

sometimes your brain tricks you into thinking she’s just in arizona, or on a soccer trip, or away for PR.

sometimes you are driving, listening to your favorite artists, who were her favorite artists…and you realize all those car rides together jamming out are over.

sometimes you are tortured by all the ridiculous ideas you had together that are not able to happen now.

sometimes you are bitter that you didn’t get to live those highly-anticipated life experiences with her. (and are envious of those who were already able to.)

sometimes you are out-of-control angry your time was cut so short.

sometimes you just feel thankful for all the precious time you did have.

sometimes you think how unfair life is.

sometimes you realize how blessed you were to have her in your life at all.

sometimes you feel like literally nothing else matters now.

and then sometimes you have to remember how much it all did to her.

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there is no map for grief. no guide for those going through it or those trying to comfort.
grief is complicated. it changes constantly. and everyone's different. and each person is different with each grief--and within that grief. it all can change depending on the day, and the circumstances, and the person with. there's really no explaining it. my ultimate suggestion is to love. just love them in spite of it all.
be available; be around. don't smother them, but don't forget them. acknowledge the hurt by letting them know you're still thinking of and praying for them. show them grace. you won't regret that.
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Broken Heart. Future Hope. LQVE.org.

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check out my guest blog post today closin out our 21days of prayer&fasting--over on Mission Church's website!!

seems like just yesterday i was starting last year's 21days of prayer&fasting.
this year has officially flown by--more than any other year.
and i feel i'm getting old.
*i have a blog entry in the making that is supposed to be a 2013 highlight reel...but i just wanted to share a few things with you today.

this short article, for one. (it is SO well-written, SO dead-on.)

and this ebook, for two. (it is a collaboration that the lead-follower from Mission Church, our graphics-guy, and i put together to assist anyone embarking on these 21days.)

it's more fun in the philippines, yall.

(click on all the photos to expand them!!)

my trip has come to an end.
as yall read in my initial post, i prayed about going on this trip for over a year & a half...to make sure it was where God wanted me to be, when He wanted me to be there--and that in whatever way, He would provide for me to get there. (and the prayers worked, people.)
i am so thankful i was that mentally & spiritually prepared for it. i have done a lot of mission work in the past, be it other mission trips, service projects, or even everything with Mission Church thus far. but everything has basically been work & service oriented. THIS trip, however, was strictly evangelical--which is why i felt more called to it. i wasn't as comfortable in the area of evangelizing.
i've never had a problem sharing MY faith, but sharing the Gospel--and knowing when to share it...i wasn't experienced in. so i knew this specific mission trip would stretch me spiritually, and BOY did it.
we went from school to school to school, preaching in each classroom...five days a week, for about twelve hours a day.
our team was made up of 60+ Americans paired with Filipino pastor-translators; and after five weeks, we were able to minister at 1,551 schools in the Philippines!!
699,751 people heard the Gospel...and out of those, 676,833 accepted Christ into their hearts right then & there!! it was so amazing. just to witness these children hearing the story of Jesus for the first time, seeing their excitement & joy from hearing how much God loves them, and then watching them fold their little hands and hear their precious prayers to ask Jesus into their hearts. it was so powerful.
something that really hit me hard when i was there was just how awesome God is--obviously...but that His story is simple enough for young children like these to grasp (even with the language barrier)--yet complex enough for scholars to study a lifetime.
and how no matter who we are, at whatever stage of life we're in...we still yearn to be loved--and loved unconditionally. it's universal because that's the way God created us to be.

one weekend we got to go to the organization's orphanage. leading up to the trip, this was definitely what i was looking forward to the most. the orphanage was founded in 1991, as a Christian home for orphaned Filipino children. some of these children (including infants) were picked up/dropped off here by either their parents or some form of social services because their families couldn't support them.
we had the privilege of playing with the children--and also interviewing them. i loved hearing how much they loved being at this orphanage. most of the new & young ones stated how their favorite part of being there was food...getting food (that could be both delicious & nutritious.) which was heartbreaking.
but all of the older ones who had been there most of their lives stated how their favorite part about being there was that the organization was centered around God. that really touched my heart...that at such a young age, after facing so much heartache--they still could have such perspective.

this child's name is dwayne. and he completely stole my heart.
the moment we got changed into our "play clothes", he just jumped on my back--no hesitation whatsoever--and followed me, or drug me around by the hand causing me to follow him the rest of the weekend.

the entire experience was more than amazing; i am just sooo blessed to have had this opportunity. the fact that Jesus could use me--this average, 24-year old girl, with no scholarly theological background, to tell His story to these precious children who might never hear it again...and get this many more souls into His Kingdom is beyond humbling, and really...just downright addicting.
every prayer since the trip, i have prayed--not only for all the children we spoke to--but that God would continue to use me to further this work according to His will--and somehow take me back there...and that through my experiences, i can encourage everybody i know to go on this trip. (haha...but seriously. everybody should go on this trip!!)

i want to thank everyone who encouraged me, prayed for me, and supported me along the way. i really cannot say thank you enough.
truly.
much love & God bless!!
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- Mark 10:45 - Luke 10:2 - Matthew 28:19-20 -

in twelve days, i will be flyin to the philippines.

crazy.
seriously.
i've been officially nervous for the past two weeks now.
besides the fact i still have so much stuff i need to do and get before i go...i still feel unprepared--and i suppose i always will, and that's why i need to just go for it.
(sigh.) but seriously.
my devotions a couple nights ago::
"God asks us to go outside our comfort zones to do things for Him, to reach out in love and help others.
whether you're a missionary in a country far from home--or have a job at a local restaurant, God calls you to live out your salvation regardless of your circumstances. God also promises to give us the strength to do what he asks."
BOOM. how's that for a slap-in-the-face reality check...??
i think a big thing is that i haven't met any of the folks to know what their expectations really are...??
pray-pray-pray.
i hope (and pray) that everything just works out according to God's will. (sigh.)

scriptures/quotes that have kept my sanity as of late...encouraging me about this phase of my life and this upcoming trip::
proverbs 3:5-6.
joshua 1:9.
romans 8:28.
luke 10:2.
matthew 28:19-20. (of course.)
*and my "mantra" from the very beginning of this journey:: mark 10:45.
(i could go on.)

"it takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. but there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. there is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement--there is life, and in change--there is power."
- alan cohen.

"people look at our lives and hear us say we're Christians...but then see very little difference in us that would make them want the supposed hope & joy we have.
it's not that we're trying to impress people with how great we are; it's that we're trying to impress on people how great JESUS is.
we've got the greatest message in the world; let's not make it harder than it has to be for people to realize how great it is." (mmm. amen.)
- steven furtick.

"trust in HIS timing; rely on HIS promises; wait for HIS answers; believe in HIS miracles; rejoice in HIS goodness; relax in HIS presence."
closing with...james 4:8:
"come near to God, and He will come near to you."

check out my guest blog post today, over on Mission Church's website!!

the primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation...
but your thoughts about it.
- eckhart tolle.

"from marathon to maranatha."

i apologize for the hiatus...
i have been so ridiculously busy lately.
and i will continue to be until mid-may.

in response to yesterday's tragedy, i will leave you with this image i created...

and this fantastic article on the matter...
"we live as agents of God's Kingdom."

day FORTY.

during this lent season,
i have...

- been heavily involved in the process of a church plant--and it's official kickoff.
- been accepted for an international work & witness trip.
- attempted to bless others as often as i had a mind to.
- recognized that in order to make things happen, you have to set goals...and to reach those goals, you have to set smaller goals at a scheduled pace. (my 40-days of reading goal was not met, unfortunately enough...but i'm still reading, and that was the point of it all anyway.)
- realized how much words of affirmation is one of my gifts. (by way of receiving words of affirmation about my words of affirmation.)
- been sooo thankful for His undeniable, unfathomable, and significant healing throughout my entire life...this past year, definitely included.
- continued to feel an overwhelming sense of support from family, friends, acquaintances, and the like.
- spent quality time seeking God through good music.
(this girl definitely added to that.)
- gained knowledge and perspective through fasting.
- prayed & prayed & prayed & prayed...and strived to seek God, fully--to just dwell in His presence.
- felt truly blessed by all the ways the Lord shows Himself to me, and all the gifts and blessings He has provided me with. (and i am thankful for the coming of age that has helped me realize different reasons and ways in which i can use and incorporate them throughout even my day-to-day life.)
- worshipped the Lord through it all.

it was a good 40 days, yall.
(and although i am disappointed i did not fully "complete" my goals...my relationship with the Lord has significantly grown, which was my ultimate goal regardless.) (and i am continuing on to still meet those goals.)

oh, how i love Him, but...
"oh...how He loves us."
(DO check out that song, performed here by lacey sturm&flyleaf.)

1 Corinthians 15; check it. comeon--why not, it IS Easter.

day 39.

once in darkness, now in light;
once blind, now you see;
once a sinner, now a saint;
once bound, now free.

once a stranger, now a child;
empty, now filled;
once condemned, now reconciled;
broken, now healed.

once a prodigal, now home;
once lost, now found;
once an enemy, now a friend;
once poor, now crowned.

that's the power of the Cross;
see the chains fall.

see the chains...see your chains fall.
- natalie grant.

this song is SO powerful.

-and she's just so good.

if you need somewhere to worship tomorrow for Easter sundaaay...

COME TO MISSION CHURCH!!

*and as a response to the latest gay-rights dispute, read this blog post. seriously--read it.

day...38: what's for dinner?!?

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*i just found this post i never published through from a couple weeks ago!! (shoot !!) but happy Good Friday!!
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currently, i am doing the daniel fast as a time of reflection and prayer.

mission church is doing this 21days of prayer leading up to our official kick-off sunday!! (very exciting; hit me up for any details.)

the fast is requiring me to get creative with my mealtimes, in order to satisfy my hunger while still getting the nutrients i need. it's also causing me to eat more often, (since my meals aren't as large and filling...what-with no bread or meat,) so i'm needing more snack-ish items at my dispense.

so--enjoy!!

(i made this once last summer; it didn't turn out so well. but this time...it was just splendid.)

you might say, how in the world can i make ice cream without dairy?!?
well...
this special ingredient is none other than...bananas!! (i love banana-anything.)

NO-DAIRY ICE CREAM!!
(makes about 2 cups.)

the recipe calls for:
- 2 just-ripened bananas
- 1/4 c water

directions:
- slice bananas into (about) one-inch slices.
- throw banana slices into plastic baggie and stick in freezer. (i took mine out after about five hours; you don't want them in there for days though cause they'll brown and get so frozen that they're even harder to blend.)
- after frozen, put banana slices in blender and blend until smooth. (you might have to spoon it around, but it'll get there.)
- serve it up!! (sometimes i blend peanut butter in--or cocoa--or both!! but the banana by itself is good enough for me!!)

love it. so good. so easy. so healthy.
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annnd just so yall know that cooking isn't just my "forte" (or whatever)...and is definitely a trial-and-error type of art, where you can mess up recipes or just have different tastebuds than the creator...here are the recipes i tried on the fast that did n.o.t turn out delicious:

OLIVE OIL & SALT QUICKBREAD.
vegbonvivant.wordpress.com/2010/11/08/fresh-bread-45-minutes-no-yeast-really-its-yummy-too
-not so "yummy". i just missed bread!! my food processor = me & a wooden spoon. waaay too salty...and yall know i like my salt. i ate three slices, got a stomach ache, and trashed the rest.

TWO-INGREDIENT COOKIES.
www.theburlapbag.com/2012/07/2-ingredient-cookies-plus-the-mix-ins-of-your-choice
-she uses a third ingredient as an "add-in"...but says you don't have to; i'm probably thinkin you do have to for them to be good. they definitely tasted healthy though...i probably ate 12 in one sitting just cause they were there, saved about four to photograph the final product, forgot about them--cause they weren't too memorable, annnd threw them away once they grew mold. (i even added peanut butter to some, cocoa to a few, and both to some...couldn't cut it.)

SUNSHINE BLUES JUICE.
blog.freepeople.com/2012/08/4-easy-homemade-juice-recipes-juicer-required/#ixzz2MmvKLpRg
- iiiii definitely used ginger powder instead of chopped ginger (it was all we had!!) and put both whole lemons in. (minus the peeling, of course. i'm not that stupid.) hahaha. SOOO S.O.U.R. i couldn't even finish it.

days 29 & 30.

Your grace abounds in deepest waters;
Your sovereign hand will be my guide...
where feet may fail and fear surrounds me.
You've never failed, and You won't start now.

so i will call upon Your name...
and keep my eyes above the waves.
when oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace...
for i am Your's and You are mine.

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders...
let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me.
take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,
and my faith will be made stronger...
in the presence of my Savior.
- hillsong UNITED.

my bff-trisha posted this to her blog a couple weeks ago...

and it seriously is my favorite song right now.

(total random ps--but...eggs, grilled ham, grits with red-eye gravy, and orange juice; ribs, corn on the cob, sweet cornbread, and sweet tea...it was only like the best-most Southern day for food ever.)

day 24.

today.
was.
beautiful.
oh my word.
80 degrees, yall.
there's just something about spring that livens me up.
it puts a spark back into my daily-life, a hop in my step, and a smile on my face.
it makes me want to do and be and live.
it inspires & motivates me.
it gives me the rejuvenation i so desperately need after wintertime.

(it also makes me extremely nostalgic, but we won't get into that...cause really--what else is new.)

"everything that's new has bravely surfaced,
teaching us to breath.
what was frozen through is newly purposed,
turning all things green.
so it is with You, and how You make me new...
with every season's change.
and so it will be, as You are recreating me...
summer, autumn, winter, spring."
- nichole nordeman, every season.

this song is powerful. and perfect.

(night, yall.)

days 22 & 23.

yesterday was my dad's 52nd birthday.

he has helped secure my foundation in the Lord.
he has helped teach me how to walk, how to ride a bike, how to drive.
he has helped coach my ball teams, and encourage me through every adventure & obstacle.
he has helped keep me laughing when things looked dim.
he has helped me to know that real faith, love, and hard work are the keys to success.
he has helped me to see what true love looks like.
he has helped me figure out how i want my future husband to treat me. (and the ones i love.)
he has helped me get a sense of the over-abundance in which my Heavenly Father loves me.

there is no doubt, i would not even be close to the person i am today without all his help along the way.
thank you, dad.
-for everything.
i love you more than words could say.

"as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him."
- psalm 103:13, NLV.

"the righteous who walks in integrity, blessed are his children after him."
- proverbs 20:7, ESV.

"as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."
- joshua 24:15, NKJ.

you taught me how to walk and how to dream.

God gave me your eyes, but it was you who showed me how to see.

now i can stand on my own, but i know you'll never let go.

i'll always be your baby, no matter how the years fly by...

the way you loved me made me who i am in this world.

i'm a woman now, not a little girl.

wherever this life takes me, i'll always be your baby.

- natalie grant.

day 21.

this song is my life right now.
i've come to learn that pretty much everything about me is a contradiction...besides my belief in the Lord.
but even my prayers--i will be asking the Lord for something that i am desperate about, and then end with telling Him that i know if my prayer isn't answered, it's because He has something better in mind.
(which does seem contradictory to me.)

over time, my prayers have become less about what i want/need/think should happen...but to trusting God that what He wants from me--and others is what is best anyway.
it is the result of life experiences...
learning that life is unfair.
life is hard.
life is painful.
but God is still good and faithful through it all.

that doesn't mean i don't cry out to God.
believe me, i do.
but there's a different sort of faith and trust involved now.
because i have been through some crap...that i couldn't understand why i was at the time (and for quite some time after), but with continuously seeking God...i had epiphanies and realizations. and that "crap" has consequently formed me into who i am today.
-and i am thankful to have moved past it all and significantly grown. because those experiences have shown me how undeniably God pulls through.

the gist of this song is sending a prayer up, and then concluding with the thought...
"but maybe not, not today...
maybe You'll provide in other ways,
and if that's the case...
we'll give thanks to You, with gratitude."

- nichole nordeman...from her woven & spun album.

lyrics: here.

days 13-20.

life just got crazy, folks.
this past week was a total blur.

from plannin & puttin on my best friend-becky's bridal shower.
to goin to my cousin-shay's high school musical.
to getting ready for mission church's official launch next sunday!!
to tryin to make it in time to hear my cousin-quincy's AMAZING mash-up her and her friend arranged and performed.
to attempting to keep up with my schoolwork.
to getting contacted about the philippines trip...

as you all know, i have been praying about this trip for over a year now...that the Lord would really place it on my heart, if i was supposed to go...that the Lord would not allow me to get accepted, if i wasn't supposed to go...that the Lord would provide for me to get me there.
i have contacted all members of my family (and a few close friends) to inform them as to what's going on, and to invite them to pray along with me.

last monday, i received a card from a sweet girl i went to high school with...
we were basically friendly acquaintances in high school, who were both involved in FCA so were aware of the other's belief in God.
we ran into each other last summer after haven't seeing one another for five years, taking each other's prayer requests, and then went our separate ways.
in january, she e-mailed me checking in on my prayer request. which was so amazing & powerful in itself...to know she had been praying that whole time. (and i got quite emotional over it.)
since then, we had continued to keep in touch.
when i mentioned this philippines opportunity to her, she wanted to know more...so i sent her the letter i had sent my family.

and then last monday, her card was encouraging me about this trip--how she had been praying for me, how God was going to use me. and she enclosed a check.
i just thought that was amazing.
she has totally been like Jesus to me these past few months.

steffi-

thank you so much. this all has meant way more than you know; i totally see Jesus in you.

i only hope one day i can bless you as you have blessed me.

when i checked my e-mail tuesday, i had received an e-mail on monday informing me that i had been ACCEPTED for the three-week trip!! (concluding with one of my favorite verses, Ephesians 3:20-21, to really encourage me.)

as i called mom & dad...and texted the rest of my family and friends, everyone was so excited for me.
when i called my grandparents, my grampa told me that he had woke up on monday thinking of & praying for me and this trip...sensing i would get word any day now. (and i did that very day. so crazy.)

i love seeing God in every-day scenes and events...and feeling His presence so overwhelmingly is more than i could ask for.
i have been exceedingly blessed by all the amazing people He has placed in my life.