Dear Momma:

MOMMA

you've instilled in me:
a thirst for creativity
a spirit of imagination
a yearning to be outside
a responsibility to work hard
a talent for finding the positive and alternative in every situation
an affection for nostalgia
a (seemingly) contradictory taste in classic rock and gospel
a joy in trying new things and going new places
a passion for competition
a freedom to be silly
an eagerness to learn
a priority in loyalty
an emphasis in honesty
an attention to details
a love for entertaining
an importance in serving others
a requirement for homemade meals
a necessity to communicate
an innate ability to be myself
a strength to be confident
a devotion to family
a foundation to faith
an intensity to love with my whole heart
a life of goodness.

i hope today is perfect for you.
i'm thankful we can spend it together.

Happy Mother's Day.

i am not a mother...

i am not a mother.
i have a mother.and i love her dearly.i also love holidays.but...as i have experienced and been aware of significant pain & loss my entire life...through the joy of a holiday, it is often interwoven with pain and confusion, as the roller-coaster of conflicted emotions emerge.

*i am not posting this on mother's day--because i celebrate my mother (and all mothers, literal and metaphorical) gladly...and i don't want to be a debbie-downer on the love and appreciation that can come with the day.

however, anne's sentiments...(with some statements slightly more intense than my own perspective)...are important to note. 

here are my sentiments:
there are already people dreading this weekend...
the mothers who've lost a child.
the daughters/sons who've lost a mother.
the sons who've lost a mother--but still want to celebrate the mother of his child.
the women who've had miscarriages or stillbirths.
the women who are unable to physically bear a child.
the women who've put their baby up for adoption.
the daughters/sons who've been put up for adoption.
the daughters/sons who're living in foster care.
the women who've chosen abortion.
the mothers who are not close to their child, in proximity.
the daughters/sons who are not close to their mother, in proximity.
the mothers who are not close to their child, relationally.
the daughters/sons who are not close to their mother, relationally.
the mothers & daughters/sons who've become estranged.
the mothers who feel they aren't good enough mothers.
the mothers who weren't (or feel they weren't) good enough mothers.
the daughters/sons who were raised by negligent/selfish/abusive/toxic mothers.
the mothers who're now divorced and split time with their child.
the step-mothers who are trying to figure it all out and/or still feel they aren't good enough for their step-child.
the daughters/sons who are part of blended families.
the single dads who should receive double-holiday recognition.
the mothers whose child is ill.
the daughters/sons whose mother is ill.
the women who've not yet found someone they've fallen for, but desperately want a child.
the women who're racing "the clock".
the women who have helped raise children who are not their own, out of love/responsibility/obligation/what-have-you.
the grandmothers who've taken on the "mother" role.
the women who do not feel equipped to have a child--but continue to hear that one has not experienced love till one becomes a mother.
the daughters/sons who thankfully has their mother--but has to navigate through words and feelings because their mother has lost her mother and a child.
-the list goes on & on...

this day can be extremely difficult. (as can every holiday.)
let us be aware of our words--and respectful of what we post on social media.

EARTH DAY!!

leave it to a holiday to inspire me to write...
i love holidays.
i love having a reason to celebrate.
i love focusing on something specific and dressing, eating, drinking, celebrating accordingly.
very event-oriented, i am...

that being said, i love earth day.
i love the earth, i love the outdoors, i love the fresh air, i love trees, i love flowers, i love fruits & vegetables, i love gardens, i love picnics, i love mountains, i love fields, i love rain...i love it.

(but at the price of feeling so strongly about holidays (earth day, included), i feel guilty the days surrounding i do not focus on the aspects once so-celebrated.)
THIS earth day, i was stuck inside working, sad i could not visit the farmer's market and eat my finds on a checked-blanket at the park--yet remained inspired with the magic of the day, as my brain whirled with the thoughts for this post...and the fact that, yes, every day can be earth day. here are a few of my specific year-round loves + new tips i am striving to adopt.

IN REGARDS TO FOOD...
- go to the farmer's market!! (or if you live in kansas like me, drive down the road to a local selling their produce off the side of the road.) :)

FM with mom, perfect peaches, FM with the boys & dad, mouth-watering tomatoes, farmer cole, mom getting some goods at the FM.

- eat local, organic, and in-season.

shelling purple hulls with mom, weston apple orchard, osceola cheese, bulk it with nicholas, heirloom, and the peach truck!

- buy whole foods, and make your own meal. (no product placement here, the actual adjective.)

homemade apple chips, radish tea sandwiches, blackberry cobbler, fresh-pressed orange juice, my new favorite recipe, oatmeal & fruit, homemade tomato soup.

- use reusable tote bags when...toting.

IN REGARDS TO WATER...
- filter/purify your own!!
- use cold water to wash your food/clothes/self, as much as you can.
- take showers, not baths.

IN REGARDS TO HOME...
- plant a garden!! (and make your own compost.)

baby coley & me with my first garden.

- turn off heat/AC during the nice months.
- take advantage of that daylight!!
- unplug and turn off electric appliances when not in use.
- use natural cleaners on your homes/selves. (whether it's making your own like this, this, or this...or using eco-friendly/toxin-free brands like this, this, this, or this!)
- give back, and plant a tree!! (not possible? try filling your home with air-purifying plants.)

IN REGARDS TO TRANSPORTATION...
- carpool as often as you can.
- avoid traffic, slow down, and keep those tires inflated.
- and when possible, ride your bike!!

dad teaching me to ride a bike...whilst actually riding my bike.

IN REGARDS TO CLOTHING...
- make your own!!
- buy from local and/or small business.

this beauty--that is sadly, no longer.

- if neither of those are options, buy used as much as possible. (thrift stores, antique malls, yard/garage/estate sales, flea markets, etc.)

is there anything better than antiquing/thrifting with the ones you love?

IN REGARDS TO FUN... (you mean, besides what i've already addressed...??)
- read a book.
- have a picnic.

a perfect day at shawnee mission park.

- go to the lake and kayak, fish, swim.

kayaking with the fam.

- go to the park.

"vintage" deanna rose park.

- go on a hike.

yellowstone, smokies, and rockies.

- play some yardgames!

croquet your heart out, quinny.

*anything you love doing, if possible, try doing it outside...catch some fresh oxygen and vitamin d, while developing an appreciation and wonder in mother earth.

learn about some KC local beekeepers here,  here, and here.

AND OF COURSE, reduce--reuse--recycle.

the next twelve months.

i love making lists.
i love making plans.
probably has something to do with the fact i just love letters & words & uniformity.

i also love holidays.
i love celebrations.
i love the different types of traditions and meanings behind each one.

there's always this stigma about new years resolutions...
why is there such negativity surrounding it...??
the whole reason for them are for a fresh start, for new beginnings, for...hope...really.
and yet, there's always these cliched, pessimistic statements & thoughts correlated.

i say...
WHATEVER.
let the haters hate.
(and yes, that has also turned into a cliched statement.)

i. LOVE. new years resolutions.
i love thinking about all the delicious foods i can make, all the beautiful projects i can create, all the breathtaking places i can go, all the precious souls i can love on.
and even if i don't get them all done, i got SOME done...i did SOMEthing.
what's life without goals & hopes & dreams...
what's life without new creations...??

so...this year, i am going with themes.
BODY.
SOUL.
MIND.
SPIRIT.
*each aspect of my life deserves more attention...and i'm at the age now, where i can recognize when each need it. i have realized that, though i feel like taking care of others & making others happy, is more important than taking care of myself & making myself happy...i don't have as much energy or tolerance to do so; i have come to find that count rugen's sentiment (below) reigns true...and that by helping myself, i can help others more.

BODY.

drink water.

consume a glass each morning when i rise, a glass (if not more) at each meal, and a glass before each movie/tv episode i indulge in.

*meme cred: the princess bride.

SOUL.

be still.

find oneness with the present moment. practice mindfulness. reflect on the Lord.

look around you."the sky above proclaims his handiwork."

MIND.

read literature.

read (at least) one book a month. reflect on what i've read. write about what i've read, including the thoughts that have emerged because of it.

*taken from anne lamott's "Help, Thanks, Wow".

SPIRIT.

create.

photograph. write. craft. design.

*photo cred: lauren ashley kilber.

BODY/SOUL/MIND/SPIRIT.

manage stress.

exhibit greater self-control. schedule. budget. organize. set goals & plans (like this post!!). follow through.

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as i sit here. waiting...

as i sit here. waiting.
with only quincy & haiti on my mind.
i am forced to reflect on this year.
during which, i have done anything but.

i tend to repress, perpetually.
but with this year being that much more intensified...the repression having infinite layers...

the past 363 days have been full.
full of unbearable sorrow.
full of distractions.
full of new beginnings.
full of learning.
full of changes.
full of bitterness, contrasting with thankfulness.
my most life-altering year to date.

the learned act of repressing gets me through daily life.
it allows me to carry on, "normally".
now--in this moment--being forced to reflect, i come face to face with this pain i've harbored so deep inside.
forced to feel this sorrow. this grief. this immense love.
forced to feel my heart being ripped from my chest once again.

i am a person who likes to pin-point my feelings.
i like to know the why in everything.
i basically need to know the why to be content.
if i do not receive a logical, educated explanation...i will over-analyze the situation until i find it myself.
this year has, on top of everything resulting from the 1st, been incredibly frustrating.
a rollercoaster.
a pinball machine.
a constant, contradicting battle between my own, personal feelings.
a constant, contradicting battle within my own mind.

ultimately, i have been bitter.
inescapably.

but, i have not allowed for time of reflection.
i have hardly journaled. which is very unlike me. i am the advocate of journaling.
albeit, i've simply had no down-time.
which has been good and bad. (what do you know...a contradiction.)
however, there has not even been a yearning in me to reflect, to journal, to acknowledge the circumstances.
fore with these acts, comes acceptance.
and i still cannot accept the truth that is this reality.
...it seems i've been waiting for haiti.
waiting to experience this place quincy fell in love with, these people she fell in love with, this experience that changed the course of her entire life.
and i'm ready to experience some sort of healing, that i've been expecting this trip to naturally evoke.
there will definitely be bitterness. but i'm also expecting much sweetness.
i am going, seeking after quincy and her heart for the country, its people, and the Lord. i feel i am searching for something i do not yet know. praying to find an answer--if even just one.
2015, you've been quite the year.
2016, please be better.
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quinc, i miss you beyond comprehension.
but you should be so proud of your people.
your legacy is significant.
your passions have now been instilled in countless others.
your words you wrote have been constant encouragement and comfort that have carried us through.
i will forever be proud of you. when first you went to haiti, i wrote you this message:

     quincy lynn!!
     -you are going to HAITI today!!
     so crazy.
     i am SO proud of you...
     -for following this opportunity that God has placed in your path.
     -for knowing it was what you were supposed to do--and not even giving it a second thought.
     -for being brave. cause serving in haiti is definitely not for the average, every-day, lukewarm, life-livers.
     -and for many, many more reasons.
     i will miss you while you're gone. (for my sake, i'm glad it's just ten days)--and can't WAIT to hear about and see all the photos from your excursion.
     i-LOOOOOOOOOOVE-youuuuuuuuuu, boo-boo-boo-boooooooooo.

if i've taken anything away from this year, it has been a lesson you have taught me upon reflecting on your life and your very being: 
make. it. happen. (cap'n.)
you are the queen of make it happen. (and also, coincidentally, love cap'n crunch.)
i chose to embrace that mantra best i could this year--and i'm expecting it to stay with me forever.
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i found this today and thought it encompassed us so well.

(not hard to do with the four boys. or lauren. or at our parents' expense. or playing scrabble with gramma. or being borderline out-of-control at jack stack. or dancing like fools whenever, wherever. or quoting movies to no end. or during sleepovers till the sun is coming up. or cousin Christmas cookie night with aunt nan. or the ridiculousness that is quelf.)

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your dad has spoken (and written) many great words this year. many heart-wrenching, tearful, powerfully overwhelming, yet beautiful, words. 
these are a few that have stayed with me:

"love is the greatest force in the world.
it's the only thing that lasts.
lead with love.
if you're not moving towards love, 
you're not moving towards Jesus.
if you're not moving towards Jesus, 
you're not moving towards love.
if you're not moving towards love, what are you doing."

"love is a story. it's a story of presence.
by our presence, so we love."

"with Jesus, now there's music, and art, and beauty, and salvation in this world that we didn't even know existed.
live presently in the future we know exists."

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Broken Heart. Future Hope. LQVE.org.

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the thing about grief is...

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i have delayed posting this publicly--for a plethora of reasons. the main one being i don't want those who know me to over-analyze and question my motives. (is this to prove she's still hurting?? is this to prove how close they were because she is still hurting?? is this just a needed outlet?? is this to help us better understand how she's handling it and how we should approach her??) ultimately...it is to help folks better understand the complexity of grief. and to help those experiencing grief realize they are not alone.
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the thing about grief is...

sometimes you cry. 

sometimes you are gasping to even breathe.

sometimes you cannot repress that knot in your throat, that hole in your heart, that pit in your stomach.

sometimes you are on the verge of throwing up all day.

sometimes you can’t even stand being in your own skin.
sometimes (most of the time) it is all-consuming.

sometimes you don’t want to talk.

sometimes you don’t want to be talked to.

sometimes you need to talk to process.

sometimes you want everyone else who’s processing to shut up.
sometimes you dread it getting brought up.
sometimes you think they're rude for not acknowledging it.
sometimes you wonder if they just actually forgot.

sometimes you feel completely alone like no one understands.

sometimes you wish you were completely alone because no one understands.
sometimes (most of the time) you don't feel like having fun and "hanging out".
sometimes you feel like you're being fake because you "have" to be happy.

sometimes you ache seeing people constantly post about her.
sometimes you dread when the posts will stop.
sometimes you want someone to say something that helps.
sometimes you know nothing will help.
sometimes you read "it gets easier with time".
sometimes you realize the more time passes, the further away she feels.

sometimes you wail.
sometimes you scream.

sometimes you throw things.

sometimes you are too weak to stand.

sometimes you want to die.

sometimes you feel like you are dying.

sometimes you need to get lost in the nostalgia of reliving memories through photos & videos and all things-quinc.

sometimes you have to dwell in the sadness.

sometimes you get addicted to that sadness.

sometimes you are afraid you’ll forget things.

sometimes you have to be distracted and “forget” for a moment in order to carry on with "normal" life.

sometimes you feel guilty for carrying on with “normal" life.
sometimes you think people think you're "over it" because you're required to carry on with "normal" life.
sometimes you sense people want you to actually be over it.

sometimes your brain tricks you into thinking she’s just in arizona, or on a soccer trip, or away for PR.

sometimes you are driving, listening to your favorite artists, who were her favorite artists…and you realize all those car rides together jamming out are over.

sometimes you are tortured by all the ridiculous ideas you had together that are not able to happen now.

sometimes you are bitter that you didn’t get to live those highly-anticipated life experiences with her. (and are envious of those who were already able to.)

sometimes you are out-of-control angry your time was cut so short.

sometimes you just feel thankful for all the precious time you did have.

sometimes you think how unfair life is.

sometimes you realize how blessed you were to have her in your life at all.

sometimes you feel like literally nothing else matters now.

and then sometimes you have to remember how much it all did to her.

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there is no map for grief. no guide for those going through it or those trying to comfort.
grief is complicated. it changes constantly. and everyone's different. and each person is different with each grief--and within that grief. it all can change depending on the day, and the circumstances, and the person with. there's really no explaining it. my ultimate suggestion is to love. just love them in spite of it all.
be available; be around. don't smother them, but don't forget them. acknowledge the hurt by letting them know you're still thinking of and praying for them. show them grace. you won't regret that.
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Broken Heart. Future Hope. LQVE.org.

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check out my guest blog post today closin out our 21days of prayer&fasting--over on Mission Church's website!!

seems like just yesterday i was starting last year's 21days of prayer&fasting.
this year has officially flown by--more than any other year.
and i feel i'm getting old.
*i have a blog entry in the making that is supposed to be a 2013 highlight reel...but i just wanted to share a few things with you today.

this short article, for one. (it is SO well-written, SO dead-on.)

and this ebook, for two. (it is a collaboration that the lead-follower from Mission Church, our graphics-guy, and i put together to assist anyone embarking on these 21days.)

#prayforthephilippines.

as all you readers know, i went on a missional/evangelical trip to the philippines this summer. (read about here, here, and HERE.)
after hearing of/seeing the devastation of this super typhoon haiyan (or yolanda, as the filipinos are calling it,) on top of the earthquake that hit the philippines just three weeks before, i have been completely devastated myself. literally crying out to the Lord in desperation for these people that hold so much of my heart now.
if you are not up to date on the tragedy, here are some current (and concise) statistics i compiled for you:
the most powerful storm in history, typhoon haiyan's current death toll is at 3,976 people with 18,175 injured and 1,598 missing. 4 million people have been displaced, and 11 million have been affected. (5 million of those are children; 1.5 million of those are under the age of five.)

if you would like to HELP…and SERVE by giving…and reach out to the poor, downtrodden, broken-hearted, and the "least of these" trying to survive this tragedy…here are a plethora of options for you:

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- the filipino association of greater kansas city is collecting goods here till this friday, the 22nd to ship over. (more info here and here.)

- action against hunger:: donate toward saving lives and restoring livelihoods here.

- american red cross:: donate toward helping those affected by the typhoon here. also partnering with iTunes, make a donation here.

- americares:: donate toward giving suffering filipino families lifesaving aid here.

- BTEA:: donate toward the organization i was involved with this summer and deliver relief and Christ's message of hope here. (james 1:22.)

- child fund intl:: donate toward aiding children and their families here.

- direct relief:: donate toward providing and delivering medical aid for current typhoon victims and additional flood relief supplies here.

- habitat for humanity:: donate toward rebuilding the homes of those that were destroyed here.

- heart to heart:: donate toward delivering aid and relief to those affected here. if you are a medical professional willing to travel to the philippines, visit here. provide care kits to the filipinos in need HERE!!

- intl rescue committee:: donate toward mobilizing a humanitarian response to the typhoon by way of clean water, healthcare, and other urgent needs here.

- mercy corps:: donate toward providing desperate families with food, water, shelter, and other basic supplies here.

- operation blessing intl:: donate toward providing food, water, medical care, and other critical relief to the typhoon victims here.

- oxfam:: donate toward providing typhoon victims with essential needs but also the building of emergency latrines, mobile water treatment units, and installation of tanks and taps to deliver clean water here.

- plan intl:: donate toward delivering aid to the needs of children and their families, including food, water, shelter, sanitation, medical supplies, educational resources, and emotional/psychosocial support here.

- save the children:: donate toward protecting and helping children and their families with emergency assistance here.

- shelterbox:: donate toward helping provide a shelter, warmth, and dignity to those who have lost everything here.

- water missions intl:: donate toward bringing safe water and critical relief to those in need here.

- world vision:: you can text HOPE to 777444 to donate $10 toward donations of food, clean water, emergency shelter. or if you're feeling $10 is not enough, donate here.

- unicef:: you can text RELIEF to 864233 to donate $10 toward giving shelter, clean water, medicine, and nutrition to the five million children affected by this typhoon. or if you're feeling $10 is not enough, donate here.

- the salvation army:: you can text TYPHOON to 80888 to donate $10 toward sorting, shipping, and distributing donated goods. or if you're feeling $10 is not enough, donate here.

- international medical corps:: you can text MED to 80888 to donate $10 toward donations of food, clean water, and medicine. or if you're feeling $10 is not enough, donate here.

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matthew 25:35-40.
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-and don't forget to pray.

it's more fun in the philippines, yall.

(click on all the photos to expand them!!)

my trip has come to an end.
as yall read in my initial post, i prayed about going on this trip for over a year & a half...to make sure it was where God wanted me to be, when He wanted me to be there--and that in whatever way, He would provide for me to get there. (and the prayers worked, people.)
i am so thankful i was that mentally & spiritually prepared for it. i have done a lot of mission work in the past, be it other mission trips, service projects, or even everything with Mission Church thus far. but everything has basically been work & service oriented. THIS trip, however, was strictly evangelical--which is why i felt more called to it. i wasn't as comfortable in the area of evangelizing.
i've never had a problem sharing MY faith, but sharing the Gospel--and knowing when to share it...i wasn't experienced in. so i knew this specific mission trip would stretch me spiritually, and BOY did it.
we went from school to school to school, preaching in each classroom...five days a week, for about twelve hours a day.
our team was made up of 60+ Americans paired with Filipino pastor-translators; and after five weeks, we were able to minister at 1,551 schools in the Philippines!!
699,751 people heard the Gospel...and out of those, 676,833 accepted Christ into their hearts right then & there!! it was so amazing. just to witness these children hearing the story of Jesus for the first time, seeing their excitement & joy from hearing how much God loves them, and then watching them fold their little hands and hear their precious prayers to ask Jesus into their hearts. it was so powerful.
something that really hit me hard when i was there was just how awesome God is--obviously...but that His story is simple enough for young children like these to grasp (even with the language barrier)--yet complex enough for scholars to study a lifetime.
and how no matter who we are, at whatever stage of life we're in...we still yearn to be loved--and loved unconditionally. it's universal because that's the way God created us to be.

one weekend we got to go to the organization's orphanage. leading up to the trip, this was definitely what i was looking forward to the most. the orphanage was founded in 1991, as a Christian home for orphaned Filipino children. some of these children (including infants) were picked up/dropped off here by either their parents or some form of social services because their families couldn't support them.
we had the privilege of playing with the children--and also interviewing them. i loved hearing how much they loved being at this orphanage. most of the new & young ones stated how their favorite part of being there was food...getting food (that could be both delicious & nutritious.) which was heartbreaking.
but all of the older ones who had been there most of their lives stated how their favorite part about being there was that the organization was centered around God. that really touched my heart...that at such a young age, after facing so much heartache--they still could have such perspective.

this child's name is dwayne. and he completely stole my heart.
the moment we got changed into our "play clothes", he just jumped on my back--no hesitation whatsoever--and followed me, or drug me around by the hand causing me to follow him the rest of the weekend.

the entire experience was more than amazing; i am just sooo blessed to have had this opportunity. the fact that Jesus could use me--this average, 24-year old girl, with no scholarly theological background, to tell His story to these precious children who might never hear it again...and get this many more souls into His Kingdom is beyond humbling, and really...just downright addicting.
every prayer since the trip, i have prayed--not only for all the children we spoke to--but that God would continue to use me to further this work according to His will--and somehow take me back there...and that through my experiences, i can encourage everybody i know to go on this trip. (haha...but seriously. everybody should go on this trip!!)

i want to thank everyone who encouraged me, prayed for me, and supported me along the way. i really cannot say thank you enough.
truly.
much love & God bless!!
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- Mark 10:45 - Luke 10:2 - Matthew 28:19-20 -

needless to say...

it is exactly one week from today (well, technically yesterday now--this always happens,) that i will be on my way to the philippines.

- for the fourth, we had the whole foster-fam over to our house for burgers, croquet, and homemade ice cream. we took a trip to watch a fireworks show, went back to gramma & grampa's to shoot off some ourselves, and then the bros & i rounded out the day with a necessary viewing of sandlot.

- yesterday, i got to hang out with mom all day running errands for my trip, and she gifted me a new skirt i can wear over there. then i got to hang out as the fab-five last night to eat at a new restaurant and see lone ranger.

- tonight, my friends threw me a surprise going-away party (with letters for my trip, a devotional, lent skirts, and a metaphorical plant to boot.) ;)

and when i got home, my room was significantly picked up--thanks to mom.

needless to say, i am beyond blessed.

ridiculously blessed.

overwhelmingly blessed.

i was overwhelmingly overwhelmed...just with everything i still have left to do before i leave in six-days time, (i'll spare you the list,) and just with the trip in itself.

but coming home tonight...i just felt so overwhelmingly blessed. goodness.

in twelve days, i will be flyin to the philippines.

crazy.
seriously.
i've been officially nervous for the past two weeks now.
besides the fact i still have so much stuff i need to do and get before i go...i still feel unprepared--and i suppose i always will, and that's why i need to just go for it.
(sigh.) but seriously.
my devotions a couple nights ago::
"God asks us to go outside our comfort zones to do things for Him, to reach out in love and help others.
whether you're a missionary in a country far from home--or have a job at a local restaurant, God calls you to live out your salvation regardless of your circumstances. God also promises to give us the strength to do what he asks."
BOOM. how's that for a slap-in-the-face reality check...??
i think a big thing is that i haven't met any of the folks to know what their expectations really are...??
pray-pray-pray.
i hope (and pray) that everything just works out according to God's will. (sigh.)

scriptures/quotes that have kept my sanity as of late...encouraging me about this phase of my life and this upcoming trip::
proverbs 3:5-6.
joshua 1:9.
romans 8:28.
luke 10:2.
matthew 28:19-20. (of course.)
*and my "mantra" from the very beginning of this journey:: mark 10:45.
(i could go on.)

"it takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. but there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. there is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement--there is life, and in change--there is power."
- alan cohen.

"people look at our lives and hear us say we're Christians...but then see very little difference in us that would make them want the supposed hope & joy we have.
it's not that we're trying to impress people with how great we are; it's that we're trying to impress on people how great JESUS is.
we've got the greatest message in the world; let's not make it harder than it has to be for people to realize how great it is." (mmm. amen.)
- steven furtick.

"trust in HIS timing; rely on HIS promises; wait for HIS answers; believe in HIS miracles; rejoice in HIS goodness; relax in HIS presence."
closing with...james 4:8:
"come near to God, and He will come near to you."

those rare Christians
whose very presence incites others to be better Christians.
i want to be that rare Christian.
- a.w. tozer.

what's for DINNER?!?

for mother's day every year, the whole big family gets together to celebrate gramma and each of the moms/aunts altogether.

since all of the grandkids are getting older now, the idea for the kids to make their moms desserts was thrown out there this year.

mom's not a huge dessert person...she likes vegetables.

but she does like herself some blackberry cobbler. so i acquiesced to her request. (even though i'm not the biggest pie/cobbler fan. it was for her after all!!)

-paired it with blue bell's homemade vanilla, and it turned out to be a big hit amongst the mothers.

BLACKBERRY COBBLER!!

(makes about nine-ten servings.)

this recipe calls for:

- 4 c blackberries

- 3/4 c sugar

- 1/4 c flour

- 2 tbsp butter

- 4-5 tsp lemon juice

(this time around, i just used two pillsbury pie crusts...instead of homemade. don't judge me.)

directions:

- toss flour & 1/2 c sugar with berries.

- pour mixture into pan with bottom crust.

- drizzle lemon juice evenly over mixture.

- pour 1/4 c sugar evenly over mixture.

- dot with butter (cut into small pieces).

- cover with top crust.

- sprinkle sugar evenly over top crust.

- bake at 350F for about 45 minutes, or until lightly browned.

*make sure the top crust has some sort of slits/cuts/openings to allow steam to escape. (i went for a woven lattice-look for fun. if i'm not going to looove eating it, i might as well make it look pretty. but i will admit, this recipe is one of the better cobblers i've had.)

growing up, i had to have an "i don't care what you think of me" attitude...because i knew i was a good kid, with good intentions & actions & thoughts. and even so, people have always thought whatever they wanted about me.

i have had multiple people who are my friends now say when they first met me, they thought i was completely opposite than how i really am.

i have had rumors spread around school about me that were completely (completely) untrue. (with not even a possibility that someone could have been even remotely correct or even misunderstood. they had just made them up.)
and so at one point in my life, i would have described myself as insensitive...
-in the way that...i am sarcastic; i don't take myself--or statements others would say too seriously.
i also grew up in a simultaneously loving yet sarcastic environment. (my immediate family, and both sides of extended.) so i was not as keen to other people's perceptions of what i say because i knew i wasn't serious anyway.
i had to learn what this quote meant before it was ever written::
"don't take anything personally. nothing others do is because of you. what others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. when you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering."
- miguel angel ruiz.
obviously, i have learned to absorb the criticisms, ridicule, and "incite" others present to an extent...while, at some point, ridding my being of the needless negativity. and certain relationships along the way have opened my eyes to how "sensitive" a person can be. (and since i don't want to make anyone upset, i have appropriately adhered...in a way to better understand, empathize, and considerately care for people.)

however...i came across this quote today...and it is like describing me. to a t. in every respect.
(so perhaps proclaiming insensitivity was entirely wrong.)::
"the highly sensitive tend to be philosophical or spiritual in their orientation, rather than materialistic or hedonistic. they dislike small talk. they often describe themselves as creative or intuitive. they dream vividly, and can often recall their dreams the next day. they love music, nature, art, physical beauty. they feel exceptionally strong emotions--sometimes acute bouts of joy, but also sorrow, melancholy, and fear. highly sensitive people also process information about their environments--both physical and emotional--unusually deeply. they tend to notice subtleties that others miss--another person's shift in mood, say, or a lightbulb burning a touch too brightly."
- susan cain.

dear, blogging community.

to all those who read; to all those who care...

iMISSblogging.
ugh.
i cannot wait till the week is over, and then i can start back up again...i already have four great posts lined up. (unfortunately my ocd with photo-editing/copy editing prolongs this process.)
not one, not two, but three 'what's for dinners'...and one 'thrifty thursday' comin atcha.
get your party pants on.

my heart wants roots.
my mind wants wings.
i cannot bear
their bickerings.
- e.y. harburg.

check out my guest blog post today, over on Mission Church's website!!

what's for dinner?!?

after the fast, i definitely went a little crazy scarfing down what i hadn't eaten for forty days...and suffered the consequence. (i decided to cut back on gluten, to see if it could cut back on my stomach problems...and i think it's definitely helped.)
i had discovered these muffins during the fast, and although they are considered "vegan", they still have sugar (granulated and in the chocolate chips), so i had to refrain for the time being.

i love these. so much.
i've made them twice already.

BANANA CHOCOLATE-CHIP MUFFINS!!
(makes about 12 muffins; can be vegan-ized.)

this recipe calls for:
- 4 very ripe bananas
- 2 c flour
- 1 c sugar
- 1 c chocolate chips (semi-sweet, etc. for vegan.)
- 1/4 c water
- 1&1/2 tsp baking soda
- 1 tsp vanilla
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 1/3 c canola oil

directions:
- mix flour, baking soda, and salt.
- in separate, large bowl, beat sugar and oil.
- add chocolate chips and mashed bananas to sugar/oil mixture.
- add water and vanilla, and blend.
- add flour/soda/salt mixture, and fully blend.
- fill lightly-greased muffin tin.
- bake at 350F for 30 minutes or until golden brown.

*the first time i made them, i had only half a cup of semi-sweet and used Ghirardelli milk chocolate-chips for the other half. waaaaay too much chocolate for me.
**the second time i made them, i nixed the chocolate altogether and made six muffins and put the rest of the mix in a bread pan. (ended up having to cook for twice as long...but made a darn-good banana bread.)
***i'm feelin half a cup of regular chocolate-chips for next time's batch.

the primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation...
but your thoughts about it.
- eckhart tolle.