day FORTY.

during this lent season,
i have...

- been heavily involved in the process of a church plant--and it's official kickoff.
- been accepted for an international work & witness trip.
- attempted to bless others as often as i had a mind to.
- recognized that in order to make things happen, you have to set goals...and to reach those goals, you have to set smaller goals at a scheduled pace. (my 40-days of reading goal was not met, unfortunately enough...but i'm still reading, and that was the point of it all anyway.)
- realized how much words of affirmation is one of my gifts. (by way of receiving words of affirmation about my words of affirmation.)
- been sooo thankful for His undeniable, unfathomable, and significant healing throughout my entire life...this past year, definitely included.
- continued to feel an overwhelming sense of support from family, friends, acquaintances, and the like.
- spent quality time seeking God through good music.
(this girl definitely added to that.)
- gained knowledge and perspective through fasting.
- prayed & prayed & prayed & prayed...and strived to seek God, fully--to just dwell in His presence.
- felt truly blessed by all the ways the Lord shows Himself to me, and all the gifts and blessings He has provided me with. (and i am thankful for the coming of age that has helped me realize different reasons and ways in which i can use and incorporate them throughout even my day-to-day life.)
- worshipped the Lord through it all.

it was a good 40 days, yall.
(and although i am disappointed i did not fully "complete" my goals...my relationship with the Lord has significantly grown, which was my ultimate goal regardless.) (and i am continuing on to still meet those goals.)

oh, how i love Him, but...
"oh...how He loves us."
(DO check out that song, performed here by lacey sturm&flyleaf.)

1 Corinthians 15; check it. comeon--why not, it IS Easter.

day 39.

once in darkness, now in light;
once blind, now you see;
once a sinner, now a saint;
once bound, now free.

once a stranger, now a child;
empty, now filled;
once condemned, now reconciled;
broken, now healed.

once a prodigal, now home;
once lost, now found;
once an enemy, now a friend;
once poor, now crowned.

that's the power of the Cross;
see the chains fall.

see the chains...see your chains fall.
- natalie grant.

this song is SO powerful.

-and she's just so good.

if you need somewhere to worship tomorrow for Easter sundaaay...

COME TO MISSION CHURCH!!

*and as a response to the latest gay-rights dispute, read this blog post. seriously--read it.

days 29 & 30.

Your grace abounds in deepest waters;
Your sovereign hand will be my guide...
where feet may fail and fear surrounds me.
You've never failed, and You won't start now.

so i will call upon Your name...
and keep my eyes above the waves.
when oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace...
for i am Your's and You are mine.

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders...
let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me.
take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,
and my faith will be made stronger...
in the presence of my Savior.
- hillsong UNITED.

my bff-trisha posted this to her blog a couple weeks ago...

and it seriously is my favorite song right now.

(total random ps--but...eggs, grilled ham, grits with red-eye gravy, and orange juice; ribs, corn on the cob, sweet cornbread, and sweet tea...it was only like the best-most Southern day for food ever.)

day 24.

today.
was.
beautiful.
oh my word.
80 degrees, yall.
there's just something about spring that livens me up.
it puts a spark back into my daily-life, a hop in my step, and a smile on my face.
it makes me want to do and be and live.
it inspires & motivates me.
it gives me the rejuvenation i so desperately need after wintertime.

(it also makes me extremely nostalgic, but we won't get into that...cause really--what else is new.)

"everything that's new has bravely surfaced,
teaching us to breath.
what was frozen through is newly purposed,
turning all things green.
so it is with You, and how You make me new...
with every season's change.
and so it will be, as You are recreating me...
summer, autumn, winter, spring."
- nichole nordeman, every season.

this song is powerful. and perfect.

(night, yall.)

days 22 & 23.

yesterday was my dad's 52nd birthday.

he has helped secure my foundation in the Lord.
he has helped teach me how to walk, how to ride a bike, how to drive.
he has helped coach my ball teams, and encourage me through every adventure & obstacle.
he has helped keep me laughing when things looked dim.
he has helped me to know that real faith, love, and hard work are the keys to success.
he has helped me to see what true love looks like.
he has helped me figure out how i want my future husband to treat me. (and the ones i love.)
he has helped me get a sense of the over-abundance in which my Heavenly Father loves me.

there is no doubt, i would not even be close to the person i am today without all his help along the way.
thank you, dad.
-for everything.
i love you more than words could say.

"as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him."
- psalm 103:13, NLV.

"the righteous who walks in integrity, blessed are his children after him."
- proverbs 20:7, ESV.

"as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."
- joshua 24:15, NKJ.

you taught me how to walk and how to dream.

God gave me your eyes, but it was you who showed me how to see.

now i can stand on my own, but i know you'll never let go.

i'll always be your baby, no matter how the years fly by...

the way you loved me made me who i am in this world.

i'm a woman now, not a little girl.

wherever this life takes me, i'll always be your baby.

- natalie grant.

day 21.

this song is my life right now.
i've come to learn that pretty much everything about me is a contradiction...besides my belief in the Lord.
but even my prayers--i will be asking the Lord for something that i am desperate about, and then end with telling Him that i know if my prayer isn't answered, it's because He has something better in mind.
(which does seem contradictory to me.)

over time, my prayers have become less about what i want/need/think should happen...but to trusting God that what He wants from me--and others is what is best anyway.
it is the result of life experiences...
learning that life is unfair.
life is hard.
life is painful.
but God is still good and faithful through it all.

that doesn't mean i don't cry out to God.
believe me, i do.
but there's a different sort of faith and trust involved now.
because i have been through some crap...that i couldn't understand why i was at the time (and for quite some time after), but with continuously seeking God...i had epiphanies and realizations. and that "crap" has consequently formed me into who i am today.
-and i am thankful to have moved past it all and significantly grown. because those experiences have shown me how undeniably God pulls through.

the gist of this song is sending a prayer up, and then concluding with the thought...
"but maybe not, not today...
maybe You'll provide in other ways,
and if that's the case...
we'll give thanks to You, with gratitude."

- nichole nordeman...from her woven & spun album.

lyrics: here.

day 11&12.

i've had a lot more talks this weekend about this 21days of prayer fast.
i think it has to do with the fact that yesterday, we celebrated with one of my best friend's at her bridal shower...and today, we celebrated two of my cousins' birthdays. both of which had incredible food...that i could not partake in.
whenever i had heard people complain about their fast, i would always be like "comeon." cause i mean...you're doing it for God; don't complain about it.
but this daniel fast is reeeally tough for me. and i get it now.
i've never fasted for anything besides lent...and i've never fasted any food of any kind besides dr. pepper one year.
so i really had no idea. (which goes back to my view on "judging" people...'i have no idea.' there's no way to possibly know what's going on and/or gone on in someone's life. giving grace is a beautiful challenge.)

i've come to a few realizations after my first week::
- i like food waaay too much.
- i eat food waaay too much.
- i eat waaay too much food when i eat.
- i am so spoiled that i can eat basically whatever i want at basically all times.
- my biggest complaint has been that i'm always hungry. and then i started thinking about how ridiculous it is because as i stuff my face with more and more food i can eat on this fast, complaining about how i can't possibly get enough to eat...people are literally dying that very moment from starving to death. it's a very sobering thought.
- this fasting process has definitely given me a (very small) glimpse at what others in third world countries go through. yes, i know it's not even CLOSE--becaaause...
     there's a time limit. (i know it's going to end...and,  for that matter, i could actually stop at any given time if i wanted or had to.)
     and i still have enough food to nourish me and satisfy to some degree.

i'm going to challenge myself for the remaining 14 days.
any complaining about the fast shall cease.

"wake up, all you sleepers.

stand up, all you dreamers.

hands up, all believers.

take up your cross; carry it on."

- all sons & daughters.

day 9.

lately, i've been rather overwhelmed with the over-abundance of social media and the variety of ways to keep in contact with people/not keep in contact with people.

phone calls
texting
email #1
email #2
email #3
personal facebook
photography facebook
MC facebook
MC twitter
personal/photography instagram
MC instagram
personal blog
photography blog
MC blog

-and this does not include keeping up with/researching others' blog entries, instagrams, tweets, facebook posts, pinterest ideas. (nor any other i do not use.)

it's all so much noise. and clutter.

we get so caught up in other people's "lives", (or what they present their lives to be,) we don't actually interact with them; we don't actually live life with them. we are only observing it.
-and we're gonna look back and see it's passed us by.
24 years has flown by.
i am definitely overly nostalgic. this is a cause of looking into the past. i have so much of my life recorded in journals, photos, homevideos, and online archives (and tangible objects) that there are so many ways to look back.
-and i have found that i have the tendency to go into nostalgia-mode when things are looking dim. (cause a lot of times, it helps.)
-and i definitely am blessed that i can look back and feel nostalgic...
but i want to learn to look forward more. (yes, at times the future looks completely blurry or even darker, but...)
looking back is easier. it's familiar. you know what happened.
looking forward is entering the unknown. it's risky. it makes you break out of your comfort zone.
but if we only look back, we're not going to go anywhere.

so.
i started thinking...
if i can manage my time and make time for God...
and use every facet of social media to point to Him...
that is a good thing.

"from mountains to turquoise seas, you reign."
- paul klein.

day 8.

tomorrow (technically today, i suppose...) is the last day of february; that means it's just right around the corner when i find out if i'm accepted for this mission trip or not.
i truly feel that the Lord has placed this ministry and organization on my heart.

-however, if come find out i'm not accepted, and i'm not meant for it this go-around...
i know God has a plan.
maybe it was for me to be praying for them for a year and spreading the word about them to others who could pray for them. maybe going through the whole application process and waiting time was to prepare me for something else that i wouldn't have been prepared for otherwise.
this preparation period really has been wonderful and definitely brought me closer to God...and i'm so thankful for it.
when i think of where i was just over a year ago...(for one, it has the potential to make me sick. but for two...) it makes me sooooo thankful. because i couldn't be where i am, and how i am (wellness&emotion-wise) without the good Lord. and of course, the amazing support system He has blessed me with.
the time is over when i'm disconcerted at thinking back to where i was last year at "this time".
-and for that alone, i am so thankful.

i still do not know why it was necessary that i go through all that, (...for another time--and even more intensified,) but i do know that it brought me that much closer to the Lord.
it made me fully rely on Him.

all this to say...
no matter the Lord's reason for things, when we remain close to Him, He can teach us things we might not learn otherwise.
when we remain close to Him, He can heal us in ways we never imagined possible.

"take this life, so i can live.

teach my soul selflessness...

less of me and more of You.

bound my heart to what is true;

bound my heart to all of You.

when i try to go alone,

Your grace and mercy lead me home.

i have learned to count on You.

there is nothing You can't do.

i surrender, handing over...

all of my soul,

all of my heart

for all that You are.

nothing better, no greater offer..

all of our soul,

all of our heart

for all that You are.

this is my soul's melody.

i've abandoned all;

i'm done with me.

let this be the song i sing,

until i find eternity,

until my final breath leaves me."

-paul klein.

(be sure to check him out; he's great.)

"the world's so big, it can break your heart...
and you just wanna help, not sure where to start...
so you close your eyes, and send up a prayer into the dark.

the smallest thing can make all the difference.

love is alive.

don't listen to them when they say::

you're just a fool, just a fool to believe you can change the world..."

-carrie underwood.

love--it washes over;
love--it pulls me closer;
love--it changes everything.

everything is beautiful...
even when the tears are falling.
i don't need a miracle to believe.
even in the crashing down,
i can hear redemption calling...
and everything is beautiful to me.
-starfield.

(my 40-days of reading starts wednesday. :) get excited.)

"and if our God is for us,

then who could ever stop us??

and if our God is with us,

then what could stand against??" 
-chris tomlin.

God is omniscient.

"power in hand speaking the Father's plan...
You're sending us out, light in this broken land.

all authority,
every victory
is Your's.

Savior, worthy of honor and glory,
worthy of all our praise...
You overcame.
Jesus, awesome in power forever,
awesome and great is Your name...
You overcame.

we will overcome by the blood of the Lamb...
and the word of our testimony.
everyone overcome."
-jeremy camp.

my girl-hurley led us in singin this song at Mission Church on sunday...and i just love it.
-and then it came on in the car tonight on the way to the grocery store...
of course, i love worshipping at church on sunday, but there's just somethin about worshipping in the seemingly "oddest of places" at the seemingly "oddest of times" when it's just me and God.
strictly listening to Christian music during this time of lent allows me to spend so much more time with God...that i'd usually just be zoning out during.
it's those times driving in the car, or getting ready in my room, or doing the dishes when God breaks through barriers or gives me epiphanies, and i break down because most of the time i don't see it coming!!
-and i just love that.
those are some of the most special times.
the intimate times just between me and God.

most days we get too caught up with "life" that it's easy to let the days get away from us without really knowing what we did--or why we did it.
it's too easy to not make time for God.
but through this intentional act of giving up secular music, i have been able to reflect on God sporadically throughout the entire day (because i'll have you know, i am constantly listening to music)...and it's amazing how much it has already helped me relax and just dwell in the knowing that He's got it aaalllll under control.

i'm tellin, yall...
God knows what's up.

"well, i've been treated like a valentine...
that's been ripped apart and left behind.
i'm a fragile girl in a crazy, careless world.
my dreams were torn and scattered on the floor,
but You've been picking up the pieces, Lord...
cause Your love is real,
the only hope to heal.

my paper heart is Your's now;
i have landed in Your hands.
'come so far to find out...
my life will never be the same,
since You wrote Your name
on my paper heart.

i had been so terrified to trust...
so many times i'd been reduced to dust,
but you keep showing me
You're the safest place to be."
-francesca battistelli.

i have been listening to her cd since Christmas...and in response to being single on valentine's day, this is a perfect song for me. :) ever since junior high, the idea of "being married to God" has really resonated with me, and i've always strived to let the thought consume me.
which i believe has helped me never be this boy-crazy girl who always needed a boyfriend--because i always knew that wasn't what it was all about; i just let God always fill the void.
and for learning that as early on as i did, i am extremely grateful.
of course, i've had heartbreaks......and bad ones.
but on the occurrence of those break-ups, i've always turned to the Lord and allowed Him to hold me. (like literally imagined Him holding me, until i could feel Him.)

(i know i am going out of Bible-order here, but it's too applicable not to touch on...)
i've always loved the verse:
"peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid." - John 14:27

i love that so much..."I do not give as the world gives." because God's omnipotence is unfathomable...He is capable of anything. if we would just ALLOW Him to give us that peace, HIS peace--a peace like we've never known...such a loving, selfless, and unconditional gift that God w.a.n.t.s us to have...it WILL consume us.

please
please
please
please
cripple me.
so i can
not
keep running
away.

-elenowen.

sing us a song,

and we'll sing it back to You. 

we could sing our own,

but what would it be without You...

this heart,

it beats...

beats for only You.

- paramore.

wake up my soul
and tired eyes
it's time to go and realize

today is all we have.

- elenowen.

here in the power of Christ, i stand.

"what heights of love, what depths of peace, when fears are stilled, when strivings cease; my Comforter, my All in All...
here in the love of Christ i stand.

and as He stand in victory, sin's curse has lost its grip on me.
for i am His, and He is mine.
bought with the precious blood of Christ.

no guilt in life, no fear in death; this is the power of Christ in me.
from life's first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny.

no power of hell, no scheme of man could ever pluck me from His hand.
till he returns or calls me home, here in the power of Christ i stand."
- in Christ alone.

(Christina Grimmie.)

let our walls crash to the ground,
let our greed and pride fall down.
let's take a hammer straight through the door,
invite love in to be our floor.
- elenowen.

i sing because i'm free...

"faith is the bird that sees the light and sings when the dawn is still dark."

- Rabindranath Tagore.

i love coming across quotes, phrases, lyrics, instances that reaffirm my beliefs, decisions, being.

almost exactly three years ago i broke down and got
a tattoo.

it had been a long time coming.

it had been an extensive process.

it was anything but spontaneous.

i had definitely done my research.

what. why. where. who. and finally when.

as my 22nd birthday approached, i succumbed to the urge and went for it.

i had decided on the silhouettes of two sparrows...

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow nor reap nor store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"
- Matthew 6:26, NIV.

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."
- Luke 12:6-7, NIV.

as i furthered my research, so as to not receive any snide remarks i.e., "you know what sparrows mean, don't youuu...??"...i soon came to find out that sparrows have countless positive symbolisms, two main ideas being love & faithfulness.
"let love and faithfulness never leave you...bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart."
- proverbs 3:3, NIV.
(^another future tattoo in the making...shhh.)

i was sold.
i chose my wrist, so i could be reminded at all times, and so it could be a conversation-starter to spread the good word.
not one regret since.

photo courtesy of: trisha marie, 2/8/11

"I sing because I'm happy, I sing because I'm free...
for His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."
- "His eye is on the sparrow".