the next twelve months.

i love making lists.
i love making plans.
probably has something to do with the fact i just love letters & words & uniformity.

i also love holidays.
i love celebrations.
i love the different types of traditions and meanings behind each one.

there's always this stigma about new years resolutions...
why is there such negativity surrounding it...??
the whole reason for them are for a fresh start, for new beginnings, for...hope...really.
and yet, there's always these cliched, pessimistic statements & thoughts correlated.

i say...
WHATEVER.
let the haters hate.
(and yes, that has also turned into a cliched statement.)

i. LOVE. new years resolutions.
i love thinking about all the delicious foods i can make, all the beautiful projects i can create, all the breathtaking places i can go, all the precious souls i can love on.
and even if i don't get them all done, i got SOME done...i did SOMEthing.
what's life without goals & hopes & dreams...
what's life without new creations...??

so...this year, i am going with themes.
BODY.
SOUL.
MIND.
SPIRIT.
*each aspect of my life deserves more attention...and i'm at the age now, where i can recognize when each need it. i have realized that, though i feel like taking care of others & making others happy, is more important than taking care of myself & making myself happy...i don't have as much energy or tolerance to do so; i have come to find that count rugen's sentiment (below) reigns true...and that by helping myself, i can help others more.

BODY.

drink water.

consume a glass each morning when i rise, a glass (if not more) at each meal, and a glass before each movie/tv episode i indulge in.

*meme cred: the princess bride.

SOUL.

be still.

find oneness with the present moment. practice mindfulness. reflect on the Lord.

look around you."the sky above proclaims his handiwork."

MIND.

read literature.

read (at least) one book a month. reflect on what i've read. write about what i've read, including the thoughts that have emerged because of it.

*taken from anne lamott's "Help, Thanks, Wow".

SPIRIT.

create.

photograph. write. craft. design.

*photo cred: lauren ashley kilber.

BODY/SOUL/MIND/SPIRIT.

manage stress.

exhibit greater self-control. schedule. budget. organize. set goals & plans (like this post!!). follow through.

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#prayforthephilippines.

as all you readers know, i went on a missional/evangelical trip to the philippines this summer. (read about here, here, and HERE.)
after hearing of/seeing the devastation of this super typhoon haiyan (or yolanda, as the filipinos are calling it,) on top of the earthquake that hit the philippines just three weeks before, i have been completely devastated myself. literally crying out to the Lord in desperation for these people that hold so much of my heart now.
if you are not up to date on the tragedy, here are some current (and concise) statistics i compiled for you:
the most powerful storm in history, typhoon haiyan's current death toll is at 3,976 people with 18,175 injured and 1,598 missing. 4 million people have been displaced, and 11 million have been affected. (5 million of those are children; 1.5 million of those are under the age of five.)

if you would like to HELP…and SERVE by giving…and reach out to the poor, downtrodden, broken-hearted, and the "least of these" trying to survive this tragedy…here are a plethora of options for you:

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- the filipino association of greater kansas city is collecting goods here till this friday, the 22nd to ship over. (more info here and here.)

- action against hunger:: donate toward saving lives and restoring livelihoods here.

- american red cross:: donate toward helping those affected by the typhoon here. also partnering with iTunes, make a donation here.

- americares:: donate toward giving suffering filipino families lifesaving aid here.

- BTEA:: donate toward the organization i was involved with this summer and deliver relief and Christ's message of hope here. (james 1:22.)

- child fund intl:: donate toward aiding children and their families here.

- direct relief:: donate toward providing and delivering medical aid for current typhoon victims and additional flood relief supplies here.

- habitat for humanity:: donate toward rebuilding the homes of those that were destroyed here.

- heart to heart:: donate toward delivering aid and relief to those affected here. if you are a medical professional willing to travel to the philippines, visit here. provide care kits to the filipinos in need HERE!!

- intl rescue committee:: donate toward mobilizing a humanitarian response to the typhoon by way of clean water, healthcare, and other urgent needs here.

- mercy corps:: donate toward providing desperate families with food, water, shelter, and other basic supplies here.

- operation blessing intl:: donate toward providing food, water, medical care, and other critical relief to the typhoon victims here.

- oxfam:: donate toward providing typhoon victims with essential needs but also the building of emergency latrines, mobile water treatment units, and installation of tanks and taps to deliver clean water here.

- plan intl:: donate toward delivering aid to the needs of children and their families, including food, water, shelter, sanitation, medical supplies, educational resources, and emotional/psychosocial support here.

- save the children:: donate toward protecting and helping children and their families with emergency assistance here.

- shelterbox:: donate toward helping provide a shelter, warmth, and dignity to those who have lost everything here.

- water missions intl:: donate toward bringing safe water and critical relief to those in need here.

- world vision:: you can text HOPE to 777444 to donate $10 toward donations of food, clean water, emergency shelter. or if you're feeling $10 is not enough, donate here.

- unicef:: you can text RELIEF to 864233 to donate $10 toward giving shelter, clean water, medicine, and nutrition to the five million children affected by this typhoon. or if you're feeling $10 is not enough, donate here.

- the salvation army:: you can text TYPHOON to 80888 to donate $10 toward sorting, shipping, and distributing donated goods. or if you're feeling $10 is not enough, donate here.

- international medical corps:: you can text MED to 80888 to donate $10 toward donations of food, clean water, and medicine. or if you're feeling $10 is not enough, donate here.

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matthew 25:35-40.
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-and don't forget to pray.

it's more fun in the philippines, yall.

(click on all the photos to expand them!!)

my trip has come to an end.
as yall read in my initial post, i prayed about going on this trip for over a year & a half...to make sure it was where God wanted me to be, when He wanted me to be there--and that in whatever way, He would provide for me to get there. (and the prayers worked, people.)
i am so thankful i was that mentally & spiritually prepared for it. i have done a lot of mission work in the past, be it other mission trips, service projects, or even everything with Mission Church thus far. but everything has basically been work & service oriented. THIS trip, however, was strictly evangelical--which is why i felt more called to it. i wasn't as comfortable in the area of evangelizing.
i've never had a problem sharing MY faith, but sharing the Gospel--and knowing when to share it...i wasn't experienced in. so i knew this specific mission trip would stretch me spiritually, and BOY did it.
we went from school to school to school, preaching in each classroom...five days a week, for about twelve hours a day.
our team was made up of 60+ Americans paired with Filipino pastor-translators; and after five weeks, we were able to minister at 1,551 schools in the Philippines!!
699,751 people heard the Gospel...and out of those, 676,833 accepted Christ into their hearts right then & there!! it was so amazing. just to witness these children hearing the story of Jesus for the first time, seeing their excitement & joy from hearing how much God loves them, and then watching them fold their little hands and hear their precious prayers to ask Jesus into their hearts. it was so powerful.
something that really hit me hard when i was there was just how awesome God is--obviously...but that His story is simple enough for young children like these to grasp (even with the language barrier)--yet complex enough for scholars to study a lifetime.
and how no matter who we are, at whatever stage of life we're in...we still yearn to be loved--and loved unconditionally. it's universal because that's the way God created us to be.

one weekend we got to go to the organization's orphanage. leading up to the trip, this was definitely what i was looking forward to the most. the orphanage was founded in 1991, as a Christian home for orphaned Filipino children. some of these children (including infants) were picked up/dropped off here by either their parents or some form of social services because their families couldn't support them.
we had the privilege of playing with the children--and also interviewing them. i loved hearing how much they loved being at this orphanage. most of the new & young ones stated how their favorite part of being there was food...getting food (that could be both delicious & nutritious.) which was heartbreaking.
but all of the older ones who had been there most of their lives stated how their favorite part about being there was that the organization was centered around God. that really touched my heart...that at such a young age, after facing so much heartache--they still could have such perspective.

this child's name is dwayne. and he completely stole my heart.
the moment we got changed into our "play clothes", he just jumped on my back--no hesitation whatsoever--and followed me, or drug me around by the hand causing me to follow him the rest of the weekend.

the entire experience was more than amazing; i am just sooo blessed to have had this opportunity. the fact that Jesus could use me--this average, 24-year old girl, with no scholarly theological background, to tell His story to these precious children who might never hear it again...and get this many more souls into His Kingdom is beyond humbling, and really...just downright addicting.
every prayer since the trip, i have prayed--not only for all the children we spoke to--but that God would continue to use me to further this work according to His will--and somehow take me back there...and that through my experiences, i can encourage everybody i know to go on this trip. (haha...but seriously. everybody should go on this trip!!)

i want to thank everyone who encouraged me, prayed for me, and supported me along the way. i really cannot say thank you enough.
truly.
much love & God bless!!
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- Mark 10:45 - Luke 10:2 - Matthew 28:19-20 -

in twelve days, i will be flyin to the philippines.

crazy.
seriously.
i've been officially nervous for the past two weeks now.
besides the fact i still have so much stuff i need to do and get before i go...i still feel unprepared--and i suppose i always will, and that's why i need to just go for it.
(sigh.) but seriously.
my devotions a couple nights ago::
"God asks us to go outside our comfort zones to do things for Him, to reach out in love and help others.
whether you're a missionary in a country far from home--or have a job at a local restaurant, God calls you to live out your salvation regardless of your circumstances. God also promises to give us the strength to do what he asks."
BOOM. how's that for a slap-in-the-face reality check...??
i think a big thing is that i haven't met any of the folks to know what their expectations really are...??
pray-pray-pray.
i hope (and pray) that everything just works out according to God's will. (sigh.)

scriptures/quotes that have kept my sanity as of late...encouraging me about this phase of my life and this upcoming trip::
proverbs 3:5-6.
joshua 1:9.
romans 8:28.
luke 10:2.
matthew 28:19-20. (of course.)
*and my "mantra" from the very beginning of this journey:: mark 10:45.
(i could go on.)

"it takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. but there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. there is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement--there is life, and in change--there is power."
- alan cohen.

"people look at our lives and hear us say we're Christians...but then see very little difference in us that would make them want the supposed hope & joy we have.
it's not that we're trying to impress people with how great we are; it's that we're trying to impress on people how great JESUS is.
we've got the greatest message in the world; let's not make it harder than it has to be for people to realize how great it is." (mmm. amen.)
- steven furtick.

"trust in HIS timing; rely on HIS promises; wait for HIS answers; believe in HIS miracles; rejoice in HIS goodness; relax in HIS presence."
closing with...james 4:8:
"come near to God, and He will come near to you."

please pray for my grampa.
he had a stroke this weekend...and we are praying he comes back from it, as he was before.
our family is all so-ridiculously close, so this has been a very hard & emotional time.

"we wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. in Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His Holy Name. may Your unfailing love rest upon us, Oh Lord, even as we put our hope in You."
- psalm 33:20-22.
"the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are attentive to their cry."
- psalm 34:15 & 1 peter 3:12.

day FORTY.

during this lent season,
i have...

- been heavily involved in the process of a church plant--and it's official kickoff.
- been accepted for an international work & witness trip.
- attempted to bless others as often as i had a mind to.
- recognized that in order to make things happen, you have to set goals...and to reach those goals, you have to set smaller goals at a scheduled pace. (my 40-days of reading goal was not met, unfortunately enough...but i'm still reading, and that was the point of it all anyway.)
- realized how much words of affirmation is one of my gifts. (by way of receiving words of affirmation about my words of affirmation.)
- been sooo thankful for His undeniable, unfathomable, and significant healing throughout my entire life...this past year, definitely included.
- continued to feel an overwhelming sense of support from family, friends, acquaintances, and the like.
- spent quality time seeking God through good music.
(this girl definitely added to that.)
- gained knowledge and perspective through fasting.
- prayed & prayed & prayed & prayed...and strived to seek God, fully--to just dwell in His presence.
- felt truly blessed by all the ways the Lord shows Himself to me, and all the gifts and blessings He has provided me with. (and i am thankful for the coming of age that has helped me realize different reasons and ways in which i can use and incorporate them throughout even my day-to-day life.)
- worshipped the Lord through it all.

it was a good 40 days, yall.
(and although i am disappointed i did not fully "complete" my goals...my relationship with the Lord has significantly grown, which was my ultimate goal regardless.) (and i am continuing on to still meet those goals.)

oh, how i love Him, but...
"oh...how He loves us."
(DO check out that song, performed here by lacey sturm&flyleaf.)

1 Corinthians 15; check it. comeon--why not, it IS Easter.

days 31-37.

yesterday was my mom's 52nd birthday.

thank you for the many countless things you have taught me.
because of your genes, because of your teachings, and because of your influence & example, i am who i am.

i am blessed that our home has always been filled with home-cooked meals, prayer, affection, laughter, music, and love.

i have been and am so thankful for your listening ears, your loving care, your great glove, your side-arm throw, your kitchen abilities, your open willingness to try new things, your spunky demeanor, your unmatched concern, your immeasurable faith, your unconditional commitment, and your endless support.

through every obstacle, every dim season in time...you always stood by my side, no matter what.

thank you for being my momma, mommy, mom, mother, playmate, teacher, coach, confidant, and friend.
you make me feel grateful, encouraged, comforted, reassured, blessed, and loved. i'm so glad God let me be your daughter. :)
(lots of lists...with lots of descriptors...with lots of meaning.)

i love you, momma. more than you could ever know.

"'many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.'
charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."
- proverbs 31:29-31.

"but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."
- joshua 24:15, NKJ.

days 22 & 23.

yesterday was my dad's 52nd birthday.

he has helped secure my foundation in the Lord.
he has helped teach me how to walk, how to ride a bike, how to drive.
he has helped coach my ball teams, and encourage me through every adventure & obstacle.
he has helped keep me laughing when things looked dim.
he has helped me to know that real faith, love, and hard work are the keys to success.
he has helped me to see what true love looks like.
he has helped me figure out how i want my future husband to treat me. (and the ones i love.)
he has helped me get a sense of the over-abundance in which my Heavenly Father loves me.

there is no doubt, i would not even be close to the person i am today without all his help along the way.
thank you, dad.
-for everything.
i love you more than words could say.

"as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him."
- psalm 103:13, NLV.

"the righteous who walks in integrity, blessed are his children after him."
- proverbs 20:7, ESV.

"as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."
- joshua 24:15, NKJ.

you taught me how to walk and how to dream.

God gave me your eyes, but it was you who showed me how to see.

now i can stand on my own, but i know you'll never let go.

i'll always be your baby, no matter how the years fly by...

the way you loved me made me who i am in this world.

i'm a woman now, not a little girl.

wherever this life takes me, i'll always be your baby.

- natalie grant.

days 13-20.

life just got crazy, folks.
this past week was a total blur.

from plannin & puttin on my best friend-becky's bridal shower.
to goin to my cousin-shay's high school musical.
to getting ready for mission church's official launch next sunday!!
to tryin to make it in time to hear my cousin-quincy's AMAZING mash-up her and her friend arranged and performed.
to attempting to keep up with my schoolwork.
to getting contacted about the philippines trip...

as you all know, i have been praying about this trip for over a year now...that the Lord would really place it on my heart, if i was supposed to go...that the Lord would not allow me to get accepted, if i wasn't supposed to go...that the Lord would provide for me to get me there.
i have contacted all members of my family (and a few close friends) to inform them as to what's going on, and to invite them to pray along with me.

last monday, i received a card from a sweet girl i went to high school with...
we were basically friendly acquaintances in high school, who were both involved in FCA so were aware of the other's belief in God.
we ran into each other last summer after haven't seeing one another for five years, taking each other's prayer requests, and then went our separate ways.
in january, she e-mailed me checking in on my prayer request. which was so amazing & powerful in itself...to know she had been praying that whole time. (and i got quite emotional over it.)
since then, we had continued to keep in touch.
when i mentioned this philippines opportunity to her, she wanted to know more...so i sent her the letter i had sent my family.

and then last monday, her card was encouraging me about this trip--how she had been praying for me, how God was going to use me. and she enclosed a check.
i just thought that was amazing.
she has totally been like Jesus to me these past few months.

steffi-

thank you so much. this all has meant way more than you know; i totally see Jesus in you.

i only hope one day i can bless you as you have blessed me.

when i checked my e-mail tuesday, i had received an e-mail on monday informing me that i had been ACCEPTED for the three-week trip!! (concluding with one of my favorite verses, Ephesians 3:20-21, to really encourage me.)

as i called mom & dad...and texted the rest of my family and friends, everyone was so excited for me.
when i called my grandparents, my grampa told me that he had woke up on monday thinking of & praying for me and this trip...sensing i would get word any day now. (and i did that very day. so crazy.)

i love seeing God in every-day scenes and events...and feeling His presence so overwhelmingly is more than i could ask for.
i have been exceedingly blessed by all the amazing people He has placed in my life.

day 10: what's for dinner??

currently, i am doing the daniel fast for more time for reflection and prayer.

mission church is doing this 21days of prayer (and fasting) leading up to our official kick-off sunday!! (very exciting; hit me up for any details.)
today's prayvotional (from our lead follower-jonathan) is paired with the Message's version of Exodus 23:28-30.
"the constant assumption that you're going to get quick results will eat you up. regardless of what the world conditions you to think, if you stay faithful and patient God will lead you "little by little" to where you're supposed to be. confess your tendency to want to rush results. ask God for patience."

this time in my life is definitely trying my patience. i feel like there are a lot of things i am inevitably waiting for. it's enforcing even more the need to just trust and give it all to God. i'm thankful for this fast for even more consciousness to pray and spend time with God.

the daniel fast is definitely requiring me to get creative with my mealtimes, in order to satisfy my hunger while still getting the nutrients i need. it's also causing me to eat more often, (since my meals aren't as large and filling...what-with no bread or meat,) so i'm needing more snack-ish items at my dispense.

so--enjoy!!

APPLE CHIPS!!
(makes about two servings' worth. these are great to eat year-round!!)

this recipe calls for:
- two apples, sliced paper-thin.
- 4 c *water (optional: use 4 c apple juice/cider OR 1/4 c maple syrup instead.)
- 1 tsp *cinnamon (optional: use 1 tsp brown sugar, as well.)

directions:
- slice apples paper-thin (aka: as thin as you can get them. aka: use a mandolin, if you have one. using a knife becomes very tedious.)
- soak them in bowl of *water & *cinnamon for 10-12 minutes. (make sure water covers apples. use more if necessary.)
- lay apple slices flat & spread-out on a cooling rack in a cooking pan. (we had to get rid of our cooling rack, so i used our old grill-irons. ha.) the apples need to be able to breathe through both sides. (otherwise, you can tediously turn over each apple slice half-way through the bake time on wax paper for close to the same effect.)
- bake at 350F for 23-26 minutes. (i did 26.)
- remove from oven, turn heat off, and let oven cool down for about five minutes.
- put apples back in oven for about 8 minutes, so they can dry out further without burning.
-let cool, and chow down!!

**be sure to store in air-tight container to prevent staleness!!

day 5, 6, 7.

sorry for the two-day hiatus, yall.
all this snow has set me in a (much-needed) sense of reflection and stillness.

(i tweeted and instagrammed this photo for mission church earlier.)
whenever there's a snow, i'm always reminded to just be still...taking it all in--the beauty, the peacefulness, the unity of it all.

"be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him."
- psalm 37:7a, NIV.

"rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything, give thanks...this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
-1 thessalonians 5:16-18, NKJV.

at mission church these past three sundays, we have concentrated on Jesus's sermon in luke 4:18-19 (ESV)...
"the spirit of the Lord is upon me because He has anointed Me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recover sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." (i love it.)

using the Message's version, verse 19 states::

"this is God's year to act."

and i absolutely believe that to be true.

day 4.

TPDL, chapter 4

made to last forever.

this life is not all there is.

"...God has planted eternity in the human heart..."

- ecclesiastes 3:11, NLT.

you have an inborn instinct that longs for immortality. this is because God designed you, in His image, to live for eternity. even though we know everyone eventually dies, death always seems unnatural and unfair. the reason we feel we should live forever is that God wired our brains with that desire!! (interesting. i seriously have never thought about that before!!...and considering how reflective/over-analytical i am, that is actually rather rare.)

when you fully comprehend that there is more to life than here and now, and you realize that life is just preparation for eternity, you will begin to live differently. you will start living in light of eternity, and that will color how you handle every relationship, task, and circumstance.

when you live in light of eternity, your values change. your priorities are reordered.

the most damaging aspect of contemporary living is short-term thinking. to make the most of your life, you must keep the vision of eternity continually in your mind and the value of it in your heart.

frankly, the capacity of our brains cannot handle the wonder and greatness of heaven.

"no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him."

- 1 corinthians 2:9, NLT.

we will enjoy unbroken fellowship with God. (so awesome.)

it's more than the opportunity of a lifetime; God offers you an opportunity beyond your lifetime. the Bible says, "the Lord's plans stand firm forever; His intentions can never be shaken."- psalm 33:11, NLT.

there is more to life than just here and now.

"and this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. but anyone who does what pleases God will live forever."

- 1 john 2:17, NIV.

book's question:

since [you were] made to last forever, what is the one thing [you] should stop doing and the one thing [you] should start doing today...??

my answer:

hmm...one of my biggest flaws is worrying. i think about things to the nth degree, instead of just giving it to God. (which we all know...worrying is completely pointless.) one of my favorite quotes-that i need to constantly think of is: "if you pray, why worry...?? if you worry, why pray...??" (if anyone knows who said that, i cannot seem to find it.)

Genesis 21-50

(to be cont...don't worry, i am not using the purpose driven life as my Bible, people. ;) my scheduled-monday will help get back on the 40-day guide track.)

(i guess, i wrote my own sort of purpose driven life synopsis here a little over a year ago...many things in my life have changed since then; these thoughts have not.)

day 3.

TPDL, chapter 3
what drives your life...??
we are products of our our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it.
God's purpose is not limited by your past.
God specializes in giving people a fresh start. (God's a god of mercy; God's a god of love...PRAISE the Lord, He's the god of second chances!!)

fear-driven people often miss great opportunities because they're afraid to venture out.
fear is a self-imposed prison that will keep you from becoming what God intends for you to be.
you must move against it with the weapons of faith and love.
"there is no fear in love...but perfect love drives out fear."
- 1 john 4:18, NIV.

knowing your purpose gives meaning to your life.
we were made to have meaning. (this is why people try dubious methods, like astrology or psychics, to discover it.) when life has meaning, you can bear almost anything; without it, nothing is bearable.
without God, life has no purpose; without purpose, life has no meaning; without meaning, life has no significance or hope.
the greatest tragedy is not death, but life without purpose.

"for i know the plans i have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
- jeremiah 29:11, NIV.

knowing your purpose simplifies your life.
it defines what you do and what you don't do.
without a clear purpose, you have no foundation on which you base decisions, allocate your time, and use your resources.
you will tend to make choices based on circumstances, pressures, and your mood at that moment.
if you can't get it all done, it means you're trying to do more than God intended for you to do.
living on purpose is the path to peace.

knowing your purpose focuses your life. (this is my favorite part...)
it concentrates your effort and energy on what's important.
you become effective by being selective.
"therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is."
- ephesians 5:17, NIV.
there is nothing quite as [powerful] as a focused life, one lived on purpose.
the men and women who have made the greatest difference in history were the most focused.
if you want your life to have impact, focus it!!

knowing your purpose prepares you for eternity.
living to create an earthly legacy is a short-sighted goal. a wiser use of time is to build an eternal legacy.
you weren't put on earth to be remembered.
you were put here to prepare for eternity. (BAM!!)

book's question:
what would [your] family and friends say is the driving force of [your] life...?? what do [you] want it to be...??
my answer:
i would hope they would have the same answer as me...that the driving force in my life is my faith in the Lord. i am perfect, by no means...but even so, i never lose faith--because i know i can keep on truckin with the Lord.

Genesis 21-50

(to be cont...don't worry, i am not using the purpose driven life as my Bible, people. ;) i so-extensively covered this chapter anyway that yall probably wouldn't have the patience to continue to read any more.)

(i guess, i wrote my own sort of purpose driven life synopsis here a little over a year ago...many things in my life have changed since then; these thoughts have not.)

day 2.

Genesis 11-20
-NIV. (i am following this 40-day guide...with my own modifications based on health and timing.)

"then the Lord said to abraham 'why did sarah laugh and say, "will i really have a child now that i am old??" is anything too hard for the Lord??'" 18:14
-this just makes me smile. because--duh...no. ha. i just love it.

while reading, i definitely just feel a sense of God's wrath and...the need for me to be so entirely "God-fearing".
there has been so much sin...even from the very beginning, and reading from a third-party perspective, i am so shocked--but no doubt is what goes on these days so much more significantly worse.
'makes me so sad.

TPDL, chapter 2
you are not an accident.
"i am your Creator. you were in My care even before you were born."
- isaiah 44:2, CEV.

your birth was no mistake or mishap, and your life is no fluke of nature. your parents may not have planned you...but God did.
while there are illegitimate parents, there are no illegitimate children. (i love that.)
it is not fate, nor chance, nor luck, nor coincidence that you are breathing at this very moment.

"You know me inside and out, You know every bone of my body; You know exactly how i was made, bit by bit, how i was sculpted from nothing into something."
- psalm 139:15, MSG.

the Bible tells us "God is love." (1 john 4:16) it doesn't say God has love. He IS love!!
love is the essence of God's character.
"long before He laid down earth's foundations, He had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of His love..." (mmm...so-so good.)
- ephesians 1:4, MSG.

"God decided to give us life through the word of truth, so we might be the most important of all things He made."

-this is how much God loves and values you!!

there is a God who made you for a reason, and your life has profound meaning!! we discover that meaning and purpose only when we make God the reference point of our lives.
"the only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what He does for us."
-romans 12:3, MSG.

God is not haphazard; He planned it all with great precision. (amen.)

book's question: [you] know that God uniquely created [you]. what areas of [your] personality, background, and physical appearance [are you] struggling to accept...??
my answer: growing up...i was the epitome of the feeling of "not enough butter scraped over too much bread." i was involved in way too much...by my own choice. this has followed me throughout time, whether or not i got less busy. my greatest struggle is probably the "fear" of not living up to my potential and letting down those who love me, including God.

(i guess, i wrote my own sort of purpose driven life synopsis here a little over a year ago...many things in my life have changed since then; these thoughts have not.)

day 1.

Genesis 1-10
- NIV. (i am following this 40-day guide...however the next few days i have a lot of time to read, so i will be reading genesis 11-27 tomorrow.)

"in the beginning, God created." 1:1
-that's all we need right there.
in the BEGINNING...GOD... (He was there AT the very beginning.)...CREATED. (He created it all. everything. for His purpose,  from His imagination.)

"God said 'let there be light!!' and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness." 1:3-4 (i love the symbolism here too.)
"then God said, 'let Us make man in our image, in our likeness'...so God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it." 1:26a, 27-28
"God saw all that he had made, and it was very good."1:31

"the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being."2:7
"the Lord God said 'it is not good for man to be alone. i will make a helper suitable for him.'" 2:18

TPDL, chapter 1
it all starts with God.
the purpose of your life is far greater than your own personal fulfillment, your peace of mind, or even your happiness.
focusing on ourselves will never reveal our life's purposes.

you exist only because God wills that you exist.
"all things have been created through Him and for Him."

- colossians 1:16, NIV.

you were made BY God FOR God.

life is about letting God use you for HIS purposes, not your using Him for your own purpose.

"obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life."
- romans 8:6, MSG.

"it's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, He had His eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose He is working out in everything and everyone."
- ephesians 1:11-23, MSG.

book's question: in spite of all the advertising around [you], how can [you] remind [yourself] that life is really about living for God, not [you]...??
my answer: i think that not spending my time consumed with thoughts of myself is crucial; by not *dwelling on things that are not of my concern...or not *dwelling on anything negative, for that matter, (be it my own circumstance, life event, relationships, human-acceptance, body-image, fitting in with the "status quo", life direction,) i-in turn-don't think about ME as much--which i think is very important to learn in life. it can be a hard idea to grasp...but i think everyone is capable of it. the brain is a very powerful thing. (you will hear me say this a lot.) don't get me wrong, there are times when i have thoughts about myself-obviously, but once i latched onto that concept (of specifically not *dwelling), there was no forgetting it--and it is so, incredibly beneficial and life-changing.

(i guess, i wrote my own sort of purpose driven life synopsis here a little over a year ago...many things in my life have changed since then; these thoughts have not.)

"well, i've been treated like a valentine...
that's been ripped apart and left behind.
i'm a fragile girl in a crazy, careless world.
my dreams were torn and scattered on the floor,
but You've been picking up the pieces, Lord...
cause Your love is real,
the only hope to heal.

my paper heart is Your's now;
i have landed in Your hands.
'come so far to find out...
my life will never be the same,
since You wrote Your name
on my paper heart.

i had been so terrified to trust...
so many times i'd been reduced to dust,
but you keep showing me
You're the safest place to be."
-francesca battistelli.

i have been listening to her cd since Christmas...and in response to being single on valentine's day, this is a perfect song for me. :) ever since junior high, the idea of "being married to God" has really resonated with me, and i've always strived to let the thought consume me.
which i believe has helped me never be this boy-crazy girl who always needed a boyfriend--because i always knew that wasn't what it was all about; i just let God always fill the void.
and for learning that as early on as i did, i am extremely grateful.
of course, i've had heartbreaks......and bad ones.
but on the occurrence of those break-ups, i've always turned to the Lord and allowed Him to hold me. (like literally imagined Him holding me, until i could feel Him.)

(i know i am going out of Bible-order here, but it's too applicable not to touch on...)
i've always loved the verse:
"peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid." - John 14:27

i love that so much..."I do not give as the world gives." because God's omnipotence is unfathomable...He is capable of anything. if we would just ALLOW Him to give us that peace, HIS peace--a peace like we've never known...such a loving, selfless, and unconditional gift that God w.a.n.t.s us to have...it WILL consume us.

my summer's mission trip application is all finished and sent in.

now...
pray.
pray.
pray.

i have prayed on this trip for a year now, that it would be God's will for me to go...and it has lingered in my heart for its entirety.
i am praying i am accepted.
i am praying that somehow in some way the Lord will provide the money to go. (a legitimate income-obtaining job would help.)
i am praying that if i am not accepted, other doors will open up for me to go elsewhere this summer--or possibly even longer.
i am praying that God's will and desires will become so innate in me
that they become my own.
i am praying to allow God to work in me until then (and thereafter), transforming me into who He has created me to be.
i am continuously praying and seeking God...because i want to, because i need to, because i have to.

i yearn for the day when i feel like i am truly doing exactly what God has created me to do.
i yearn to feel that contentment.

but until then...i will seek God, searching for it.

"show me Your ways, oh Lord; teach me Your paths; guide me in Your truth, and teach me...for You are God-my Savior, and my hope is in You. all--day--long."
- psalm 25:4-5, NIV.

(i will not find out if i am accepted until march; i will keep yall posted and give you more information when that time comes.)

i sing because i'm free...

"faith is the bird that sees the light and sings when the dawn is still dark."

- Rabindranath Tagore.

i love coming across quotes, phrases, lyrics, instances that reaffirm my beliefs, decisions, being.

almost exactly three years ago i broke down and got
a tattoo.

it had been a long time coming.

it had been an extensive process.

it was anything but spontaneous.

i had definitely done my research.

what. why. where. who. and finally when.

as my 22nd birthday approached, i succumbed to the urge and went for it.

i had decided on the silhouettes of two sparrows...

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow nor reap nor store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"
- Matthew 6:26, NIV.

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."
- Luke 12:6-7, NIV.

as i furthered my research, so as to not receive any snide remarks i.e., "you know what sparrows mean, don't youuu...??"...i soon came to find out that sparrows have countless positive symbolisms, two main ideas being love & faithfulness.
"let love and faithfulness never leave you...bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart."
- proverbs 3:3, NIV.
(^another future tattoo in the making...shhh.)

i was sold.
i chose my wrist, so i could be reminded at all times, and so it could be a conversation-starter to spread the good word.
not one regret since.

photo courtesy of: trisha marie, 2/8/11

"I sing because I'm happy, I sing because I'm free...
for His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."
- "His eye is on the sparrow".

i was created to love You. i was created to need You. i was created to know You.

as we are reminded of new beginnings, "second chances," and resolutions entering into this new year...let us remember that through Christ, every day is new.

"this means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. the old life is gone; a new life has begun!!"

- 2 Corinthians 5:17, NLT.

"forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. see, I am doing a new thing!! now it springs up; do you not perceive it...?? I am making a way in the wildnerness and streams in the wasteland."

- Isaiah 43:18-19, NIV.

"I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh."

- Ezekiel 36:25-26, NIV

"praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!! in His great mercy, He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade."

- 1 Peter 1:3-4, NIV.

"God's loyal love couldn't have run out, His merciful love couldn't have dried up. they're created new every morning. how great Your faithfulness!! i'm sticking with God (i say it over & over). He's all i've got left."

- Lamentations 3:22-24, MSG.

"Your mercies are new every morning, so let me wake with the dawn. when the music is through, or so it seems to be, let me sing a new song. old things gone."

- nichole nordeman, mercies new.

"and i'm so thankful for this life that i know, that i am no longer what i was because of Your love and the beauty of the cross...I can see your work in me, all things new in me."

- watermark, all things new.